Talk:Frank McGee (ice hockey)

Copy editing notes

Hey there, I edited this article as part of the GOCE March 2023 Drive. Pinging @Kaiser matias, who made the request.

My edits related to copy editing for MOS, clarity, and conciseness. I did a bit of trimming of repetitive or redundant information.

I have some notes related to edits that might require extra attention or consultation of sources. Some are edits I didn't feel comfortable making due to my unfamiliarity with aspects of the subject. Some of these might seem pedantic, but I guess that's why I'm here. :] If there are any issues or questions about my edits or these points, don't hesitate to reach out.

• I've done my best to clean up this issue, but it may require more work.

• A portion of this article was plagiarized nearly verbatim without correct attribution. More information about these guidelines can be found at WP:PLAGIARISM, including the advice that states that "No in-text attribution, no quotation marks, text closely paraphrased, inline citation only" is unacceptable.
• Here is the comparison after my revisions.

• It would be great if "senior" could be defined in this article. Not sure if it's a Canadian thing or a hockey history thing, but I'm unfamiliar with the term. Either way, a wikilink (Senior ice hockey?) or ~five-word description could go a long way for contextualizing McGee's career. For example, in these sentences, I don't understand the meaning or importance of the word "senior":

• After missing two years of play due to the injury, he joined the senior Ottawa team in 1903.
• In addition, McGee scored five or more goals in eight other senior matches

• While I was cursorily checking this sentence's source to see if I could reword it, I couldn't find evidence of its claim on the referenced page.

• The game was also the most lopsided in Stanley Cup history, with Ottawa's 23 goals setting a record.

• Add pronoun to this sentence:

• The Battalion left for England in May 1915, and after spending the summer there, was transferred to the Western Front in France on September 14, 1915.

possibly to

• The Battalion left for England in May 1915, and after spending the summer there, it (The Batallion)/he (McGee) was transferred to the Western Front in France on September 14, 1915.

• Clarify this sentence:

• He also played in all four Stanley Cup challenge games,Template:Efn scoring seven more goals and tying Jack Marshall for lead goalscorer.

possibly to

• He also played in all four 1903 Stanley Cup challenge games,Template:Efn scoring seven more goals and tying Jack Marshall for lead goalscorer of the season/series.

or

• He also played in all four of Ottawa's Stanley Cup challenge games that season,Template:Efn scoring seven more goals and tying Jack Marshall for lead goalscorer of the season/series.

• Clarify?

• During a Stanley Cup challenge against the Toronto Marlboros on February 25, 1904, he scored five goals in one game, setting a new record for most goals in a Cup game. He repeated the feat in a game on March 9 against the Brandon Hockey Club.

possibly to

• During a Stanley Cup challenge against the Toronto Marlboros on February 25, 1904, he scored five goals in one game, setting a new record for most goals in a Cup game. He repeated the feat in a again scored five goals in one game on March 9 against the Brandon Hockey Club.

(Unless the Brandon game was also a Cup game, then I don't think we should call it repeating the feat.)

• Use more active/specific language here than "war broke out", i.e. something akin to "when Canada joined the war".

• When war broke out in August 1914, both were mobilized for active duty.

• Just double-checking that these are separate facts: he tied Marshall in goals two separate times?

• He also played in all four Stanley Cup challenge games,Template:Efn scoring seven more goals and tying Jack Marshall for lead goalscorer.
• After a brief retirement from the sport, McGee returned, playing in six of the eight FAHL games and tying Marshall for best goalscorer in the league, with 17 goals each.

Wracking ^💬 21:07, 10 March 2023 (UTC)

Template:Reply to Thanks for your help here, and for the feedback above. I'll go through it again and ensure everything is cleared up. Kaiser matias (talk) 03:29, 11 March 2023 (UTC)