View source for User:Apathyjunkie

{{Userpage}}
'''Apathyjunkie''' ['''aputhee 'jungkee''] (b. [[1981]]) is the moniker of a perpetual daydreamer,  [[Federal government|gubmint]] lackey, and, of interest to the current venue, a reclusive [[Wikipedia]] user/contributor. He tells the truth (on average) seventy percent of the time<sup>[[#Notes|1]]</sup> and writes in a tone and vernacular that emanates from everywhere and nowhere in particular.

{{Infobox user
| color = #ABCDEF
| status = Sound as a pound
| image = Apathyjunkie the Wikipedian.jpg
| image_caption = A-junkie in deep concentration.
| name = 
|gender=Male
|birthdate=[[13 March]].[[1981]]
|birthplace=Terra
|location=
|marital status=untaken + unsullied
|spouse=playtime interference
|children=no need for 'em now
|occupation=refer to opening salvo
|employer=Unk Sam
|education=ongoing...
|college=yeah, I been there
|university=
|highschool=long boring story
|religion=Protestant, with flair
|politics=
|aliases=Phillip "Big P" Ness, Mr. Pitiful, Vlad Gnitt
|IQ=above room temperature
|website=forthcoming (I swear)
|blog=forthcoming (I swear)
|email=globexkingpin(at)gmail_dot_com
|ICQ=8348336
|AIM=madprophetridx
|GTalk=
|Jabber=
|Skype=
|MSN=
|Yahoo=
|.Mac=
}}

==Bio==
He was born and raised somewhere on the [[East Coast of the United States|East Coast]] of the [[United States]], presumably [[Prince George's County, Maryland|Prince George's County]], [[Maryland]]. His father, retired as of January [[2005]], worked for forty-plus years in various capacities for the [[Federal government of the United States|The Government]] -- that is, when he wasn't [[confidence game|grifting]] to pay the bills. His mother was an [[educator]] and [[homemaker]], her dreams of becoming a taxi dancer put aside some fourteen years earlier, when she instead received [[Bachelor's degree]]s in [[Psychology]] and [[English studies|English]] from [[Johnson C. Smith University]].

It can be said of A-junkie that he was a gifted child. He was able to [[Reading (activity)|read]] by age 2 1/2. His reading material included not only the works of [[Dr. Seuss]] and [[Richard Scarry]], but also [[TV Guide]], The [[Yellow Pages]], and the [[Holy Bible]]. A plaque of the first verse he ever memorized, [[Psalm 23]], rests above his bed in the family home. He also began reading [[map]]s, developing a fascination with [[road]]s that led some to believe he'd pursue a career in [[civil engineering]] -- a forecast that wouldn't hold.

A-junkie survived [[elementary school]], where he frequently made the [[Honor Roll]] and was frequently the subject of scorn from his peers because of that fact (to say nothing of his height, weight, style of speak and taste in clothing.) [[Middle school]] and [[high school]], he has said, tended to bleed together: six long years of strange alliances, perpetual disenchantment, unrequited love, and diametric opposition to the rampant force of [[clique|cliquism]]. He cites scrambled [[porn]] and his near-obsessive love of  [[Mystery Science Theater 3000]] as the dominant forces that made those particular years bearable. Of the long-running comedy series, he once said: "''MST3K got me through some heavy shit. And beyond that, it opened my eyes to the beauty of well-timed [[sarcasm]]. Seriously, if MST3K was a beautiful woman, who propositioned me with a weekend of endless unlawful carnal knowledge, I would take that offer, no hesitation, at all.''

He completed [[high school]] in 1999. In the fall of that year, he matriculated at the [[University of Maryland, College Park]]. He spent his first two years "undeclared", picking up bits and pieces of other majors before settling on [[Communication]], with a concentration in Communication Studies. After a four-and-a-half academic career that included both Academic Probation and Dean's List appearances in the span of one year, not to mention dabblings with various [[substances]] and awkward dealings with the [[Female|the opposite sex]], he received his [[Bachelor of Arts]] in Communication in a formal ceremony in [[May]] [[2004]].

Currently, he works a gubmint job to finance his [[spam (food)|Spam]]-can and [[Kool-Aid]] lifestyle. He recently completed the necessary coursework towards a graduate certificate in Information Assurance from [[University of Maryland University College|UMUC]]. It's believed that UMD's [http://ischool.umd.edu/programs/mim.shtml Master of Information Managment] program is his next academic destination. He has tried his hand at [[screenwriting]], [[poetry]], and prose, firm in the belief that his ideas are revolutionary when compared to what the entertainment industry currently puts out, and that these ideas will bring him [[fame]], [[fortune]], and a league of hangers-on to do his bidding<sup>[[#Notes|2]]</sup>. As one can surmise from his major submissions, he is an ardent follower of college athletics, especially those of his alma mater. He is also a film buff who believes that if one were to take [[David Mamet]]'s writing style and pair it with [[Michael Mann]]'s visual style, one would have a director that makes all others in the field look irrelvant. In time, he hopes to be that director. He has ecletic tastes in [[music]] which are, not in the least, informed by the [[radio]], which he considers to be the tool of Satan's acolytes<sup>[[#Notes|3]]</sup>.

===The Opus (a work in progress)===

He's also compiling accumulated scraps of his own intellectual detritus and other such types of amusing bullshit for a book that he will independently publish when he gets around to it. The world should probably quiver and wretch at that thought.

==The Requisite Userbox Assault==

''Not that one could encapsulate A-junkie with userboxes, but here's a shot'':
{| style="float:center;background-color:transparent"
|{{ user age|29 }}
|{{user en-B-N}}
|{{Template:User sar}}
|-
|{{user ancestry multi}}
|{{user afr-amer}}
|{{user Cherokee}}
|-
|{{User Maryland}}
|{{User UMD}}
|{{User UMUC}}
|-
|{{ user degree/BA subject|Communication }}
|{{userbox|#FF8888|#ffeeee|[[Image:Graduation_hat.svg|40px]]| This user has a '''[[Graduate certificate]]''' in '''[[Information Assurance]]'''.}}
|{{User:Omar1976/Original userboxes/FederalGovernment}}
|-
|{{User:1ne/Userboxes/User cynic}}
|{{User:Cuckooman4/UBX/BoredHungrySleepy}}
|{{User:FireSpike/UBX/GlengarryGlenRoss}}
|-
|{{User:Mtmelendez/Userboxes/Ronin}}
|{{User anti-anon}}
|{{User:The Raven's Apprentice/Userboxes/User Firefox}}
|-
|{{User:UBX/MySpace|fancytalkinganklebreaker}}
|{{user:UBX/facebook}}
|{{User:Menasim/Userboxes/User quote|Invent Nothing. Deny Nothing.|David Mamet }}
|-
|{{User:Scepia/all music}}
|{{User:Menasim/Userboxes/User anything}}
|{{User:Menasim/Userboxes/User Writing}}
|-
|{{User:UBX/24 2}}
|{{User:UBX/arrested}}
|{{User:UBX/LOST}}
|-
|{{User:EVula/Userboxes/MST3K}}
|{{User:UBX/PrisonBreak}}
|{{User:UBX/Sopranos}}
|-
|{{User:UBX/Wire}}
|{{User:UBX/Boondocks}}
|{{User:UBX/ATHF}}
|-
|{{User:UBX/Family Guy}}
|{{User:Feureau/UserBox/SimpsonsExcellent}}
|{{User:UBX/straight}}
|-
|{{User:1ne/Userboxes/User independent}}
|{{User:Tal642/my userboxes/race-0}}
|{{User:Apollonius 1236/userboxes/Strong ProLeader|Crow T. Robot}}
|-
|}

==Trivia / Useless Minutiae==
A-junkie's birthday, his mother's birthday, and [[Christmas]] always fall on the same day of the week, without fail. [[Magnolia (film)|And He Would Like To Think This was Only A Matter Of Chance...]]

He scored a 393 on the [http://people.ucsc.edu/~merphant/wikitest.html Wikipediaholic Test.] But what is that worth, really?

He stands roughly 1.75m barefoot. But he acts taller than that.

He can recite the films [[Heat (film)|Heat]] and [[Glengarry Glen Ross (film)|Glengarry Glen Ross]] nearly by heart. He would do so for money, if the opportunity were ever to present itself.

At UMCP, he was a classmate of [[The Real World: Paris]] contestant Leah Gillingwater. One of her housemates that season, Adam King, is the son of a member of the Commodores, which was fronted by [[Lionel Richie]]. Richie recorded [[Endless Love]] for the film of the same name, which featured [[Tom Cruise]]. In 1992, Cruise appeared in the film version of [[A Few Good Men]], where he starred alongside [[Kevin Bacon]].

==Quotables==
''Somebody has to cut the grass when it grows. As long as it's not me, all is well in the world.''

== Notes ==
# Seventy percent, in this regard, is understood as thirty-five percent.
# Delectable feminine pulchritude of high intelligence and adequate progeny-bearing ability is also a pursuit, but then that goes w/o saying.
# Satan's acolytes, in this regard, refers to programming directors, payola-orchestrating label-heads, wack-ass artists, and the automatons who support the entire fraudulent franchise.