View source for The Philosophers' Football Match

{{Short description|Monty Python sketch}}
{{Use dmy dates|date=April 2022}}
'''"International Philosophy",''' commonly referred to as the '''Philosophers' Football Match''', is a [[Monty Python]] [[Sketch comedy|sketch]] depicting a [[football (soccer)|football]] match in the Munich [[Olympic Stadium (Munich)|Olympiastadion]] between [[philosophy|philosophers]] representing [[Greece national football team|Greece]] and [[Germany national football team|Germany]]. Starring in the sketch are [[Archimedes]] ([[John Cleese]]), [[Socrates]] ([[Eric Idle]]), [[Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel|Hegel]] ([[Graham Chapman]]), [[Friedrich Nietzsche|Nietzsche]] ([[Michael Palin]]), [[Karl Marx|Marx]] ([[Terry Jones]]), and [[Immanuel Kant|Kant]] ([[Terry Gilliam]]). Palin also provides the match television commentary.

The footage opens with the banner headline "International Philosophy", and Palin providing the narrative. [[Confucius]] is the referee and keeps times with an [[hourglass]]. [[Thomas Aquinas|St. Thomas Aquinas]] and [[Augustine of Hippo|St. Augustine]] (sporting [[Halo (religious iconography)|halo]]es) serve as linesmen.<ref name="French"/> The German [[Coach (sport)|manager]] is [[Martin Luther]]. The match is designed as a [[World Cup]] for the most well-known western philosophers made global with Confucius arbitrating the match. As play begins, the philosophers break from their proper football positions only to walk around on the pitch as if deeply pondering, and in some cases declaiming their theories.<ref name="French">Gener, Randy. (May 1, 2006) [[Theatre Communications Group|American Theatre]] ''The French Misconnection, or What Makes a Writer French.'' Volume 23; Issue 5; Page 42.</ref> [[Franz Beckenbauer]], the sole genuine footballer on the pitch and a "surprise inclusion" in the German team, is left more than a little confused.

Despite being set in the Olympiastadion, the sketch was instead filmed in Munich's [[Grünwalder Stadion]].<ref>Beer, Roman. (2011) ''Kultstätte an der Grünwalder Straße. Die Geschichte eines Stadions'' Page 129, Publisher: Die Werkstatt. {{ISBN|978-3-89533-780-2}}</ref> It originally featured in the second ''[[Monty Python's Fliegender Zirkus]]'' episode broadcast on 18 December 1972 and was regularly screened at the group's live shows, including ''[[Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl]]'' (1982)<ref>Larsen, Darl. (2003) ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=qVa1Hfh11V0C&pg=PA45 Monty Python, Shakespeare and English Renaissance Drama.]'' Page 45, Publisher: McFarland & Company. {{ISBN|0-7864-1504-5}}</ref> and ''[[Monty Python Live (Mostly)]]'' (2014).

The Greek players, mostly with long grey beards and hair, play in [[toga]]s, while the Germans sport a variety of period dress including [[Victorian era|Victorian]] [[frock coat]]s and [[breeches]]. "Nobby" Hegel carries a grey [[top hat]], while Beckenbauer wears the red and white of the 1972 [[FC Bayern Munich#Historical kits|Bayern Munich football strip]].

==Outcome==
Nietzsche is booked with a [[Fouls and misconduct (association football)|yellow card]] for arguing with the referee, claiming he has "no [[free will]]". Confucius [[Analects|responded by saying]]: "Name go in book".

In the second half, with nothing being accomplished on the pitch other than mere contemplation, [[Karl Marx]] is noticed warming up vigorously on the German sidelines. Marx soon comes on to substitute [[Ludwig Wittgenstein]], his energy appearing as an obvious game-changer. However, upon the restart, Marx simply pulls up and starts meandering in deep thought like the rest.

With just over a minute of the match remaining, Archimedes cries out "[[Eureka (word)|Eureka]]!", takes the first kick of the ball and rushes towards the German goal. After several passes through a perplexed defence, Socrates scores the only goal of the match with a diving header off an otherwise goal-bound cross from Archimedes.

As the sketch closes, the Germans dispute the call. Through the words of the commentator, "Hegel is arguing that reality is merely an ''[[A priori and a posteriori|a priori]]'' [[Adjunct (grammar)|adjunct]] of [[Ethical non-naturalism|non-naturalistic ethics]], Kant via the [[categorical imperative]] is holding that [[Ontology|ontologically]], it exists only in the imagination and Marx is claiming it was [[Offside (association football)|offside]]". The replay proves that, according to the [[Offside (association football)|offside rule]], Socrates was indeed offside, but the sketch, nevertheless, states that the Greeks have won.

The names of the Greek philosophers in the lineup are displayed in German in the sketch, as the match was set in Germany. Despite the sketch, Wittgenstein was in fact [[Austria]]n and not German, while Empedocles and Archimedes lived in [[Sicily]]. Supporting the main referee Confucius as linesmen were [[Augustine of Hippo|St. Augustine]] and [[Thomas Aquinas|St. Thomas Aquinas]], who hailed from what is now [[Algeria]] and [[Italy]] respectively.

==Match details==
<onlyinclude>{{football box
|id=Germany v Greece
|date=10 September 1972
|time=20:00 [[UTC+2]]
|team1={{fb-rt|GER}}
|score=0–1
|report=[https://web.archive.org/web/20110606234917/http://www.mtholyoke.edu/~ebarnes/python/international-philosophy.htm Report]
|team2={{fb|GRE}}
|goals1=
|goals2=
*[[Socrates]] {{goal|89}}
|stadium=[[Olympiastadion (Munich)|Olympiastadion]], [[Munich]]
|referee=[[Confucius]] ([[China]])
}}</onlyinclude>

{| width="100%"
| width="40%"|
{| style="font-size: 90%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0"
|-
!width="25"| !!width="25"|
|-
|GK || '''1''' || [[Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz|Gottfried Leibniz]]
|-
|DF || '''2''' || [[Immanuel Kant]]
|-
|DF || '''3''' || [[Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel|Georg "Nobby" Hegel]] ([[Captain (association football)|c]])
|-
|DF || '''4''' || [[Arthur Schopenhauer]]
|-
|DF || '''5''' || [[Friedrich Wilhelm Joseph Schelling|Friedrich Schelling]]
|-
|MF || '''6''' || [[Franz Beckenbauer]]
|-
|MF || '''7''' || [[Karl Jaspers]]
|-
|FW || '''8''' || [[Friedrich Schlegel]]
|-
|FW || '''9''' || [[Ludwig Wittgenstein]] || || {{suboff|88}}
|-
|FW || '''10''' || [[Friedrich Nietzsche]] || {{yel|}}
|-
|FW || '''11''' || [[Martin Heidegger]]
|-
|colspan=3|'''Substitutions:'''
|-
|FW || '''1''' || [[Karl Marx]] || || {{subon|88}}
|-
|colspan=3|'''Manager:'''
|-
|colspan=3|[[Martin Luther]]
|}
|valign="top"| 
|valign="top" width="50%"|
{| style="font-size: 90%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="center"
|-
!width=25| !!width=25|
|-
|GK || '''1''' || [[Plato]]
|-
|DF || '''2''' || [[Epictetus]]
|-
|DF || '''3''' || [[Aristotle]]
|-
|DF || '''4''' || [[Sophocles|"Chopper" Sophocles]]
|-
|DF || '''5''' || [[Empedocles|Empedocles of Acragas]]
|-
|DF || '''8''' || [[Heraclitus]]
|-
|MF || '''6''' || [[Plotinus]]
|-
|MF || '''7''' || [[Epicurus]]
|-
|FW || '''9''' || [[Democritus]]
|-
|FW || '''10''' || [[Socrates]] ([[Captain (association football)|c]]) 
|-
|FW || '''11''' || [[Archimedes]]
|-
|}
|}

{| width=50% style="font-size: 90%"
|
'''[[Assistant referee (association football)|Assistant referees]]:'''
<br />[[St. Augustine of Hippo]] ([[Algeria]])
<br />[[St. Thomas Aquinas]] ([[Italy]])
|}

==Philosophers Football Match 2010==

Inspired by the famous Monty Python sketch, and with the full backing of the surviving Pythons a tribute/replay of ''The Philosophers' Football Match'' was held at [[Wingate & Finchley F.C.|Wingate & Finchley]]'s Harry Abrahams Stadium in [[Finchley]], North London on 9 May 2010.<ref name="Guardian">{{cite news | title=Who's the thinker in the white?| work=The Guardian |url=https://www.theguardian.com/theguardian/2010/apr/28/monty-python-philosophers-football-match|date=28 April 2010|last=Baggini|first=Julian|author-link=Julian Baggini | access-date = 24 January 2014}}</ref>

This [[tongue-in-cheek]] re-staging—on a real London pitch—of the original sketch, was the idea of The Philosophy Shop, a specialist provider of education and training for primary school children. The group works to enable [[Philosophy]] graduates at University level to conduct practical philosophy sessions for children aged 5 to 11 as part of a drive to boost their reasoning skills from their first days in the school environment.<ref name="Guardian"/>

Philosopher [[A. C. Grayling]] and former [[England national football team|England]] Manager [[Graham Taylor]] were appointed as managers for the event, and players included comedians [[Mark Steel]], [[Tony Hawks]], [[Arthur Smith (comedian)|Arthur Smith]], and [[Ariane Sherine]], as well as philosophers [[Julian Baggini]], [[Nigel Warburton]], [[Simon Glendinning]], [[Stephen Law]], [[Angie Hobbs]], and [[Mark Vernon]], plus other academics from universities nationwide. Match supporters included sociologist and [[BBC Radio 4]]'s ''[[Thinking Allowed]]'' presenter [[Laurie Taylor (sociologist)|Laurie Taylor]], the BBC's [[John Humphrys]], and educationalist and author [[Anthony Seldon]].<ref name="Guardian"/>

==References==
{{Reflist}}

==External links==
* {{webarchive |url=https://web.archive.org/web/20110606234917/http://www.mtholyoke.edu/~ebarnes/python/international-philosophy.htm |date=June 6, 2011 |title=International Philosophy Sketch (Script to the sketch) }}
* {{webarchive |url=https://web.archive.org/web/20110829064922/http://www.philosophersfootball.com/ |date=August 29, 2011 |title=Philosophers Football (Match 2010) }}

{{Monty Python}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Philosophers' Football Match, The}}
[[Category:Monty Python sketches]]
[[Category:1972 Summer Olympics]]
[[Category:Cultural depictions of philosophers]]
[[Category:Sports fiction]]
[[Category:Association football culture]]