View source for Romance

{{short description|Type of love that focuses on feelings}}
{{Other uses}}
{{redirect|In love|other uses|In Love (disambiguation){{!}}In Love}}

[[File:DickseeRomeoandJuliet.jpg|thumb|''[[Romeo and Juliet]]'', by [[Frank Dicksee]], considered to be the archetypal romantic couple, depicting the play's iconic balcony scene]]
{{Love sidebar|Concepts}}
{{Close Relationships}}

'''Romance''' or '''romantic love''' is a [[feeling]] of strong [[Interpersonal attraction|attraction]] toward another person, a [[mental state]] of "being in love" with [[courtship]] behaviors and focused attention on forming a [[Intimate relationship|relationship]] (or [[pair bond]]),<ref name="fisher23" /><ref name="fisher4" /> and the practice of initiating relationships based on [[passionate]] feelings over more practical or ordinary concerns.<ref name="what-is-romantic-love" /><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Johnson|2013|pp=43-44, 102-103, 147-148, 195-198}}</ref> Romantic love is considered to be a [[motivation]] or drive, which is distinct from (but related to) the concept of [[Attachment theory|attachment]].<ref name="NYT-20240213dgs">{{cite news |last=Smith |first=Dana G. |date=February 13, 2024 |title=What New Love Does to Your Brain - Roses are red, violets are blue. Romance can really mess with you. |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/13/well/mind/love-romance-brain.html |url-status=live |archiveurl=https://web.archive.org/web/20250409040634/https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/13/well/mind/love-romance-brain.html |archivedate=April 9, 2025 |accessdate=April 9, 2025 |work=[[The New York Times]]}}</ref><ref name="fisher23" /><ref name="co-opted" />

The terms "romance" and "romantic love" are used with multiple definitions, which can be contradictory at times.<ref name="what-is-romantic-love" /><ref>{{cite book |last1=McGill |first1=Bridgett |title=Encyclopedia of Sexual Psychology and Behavior |last2=Dunn |first2=Steven M. |date=2023 |publisher=[[Springer, Cham]] |isbn=978-3-031-08956-5 |pages=1–4 |language=en |chapter=Romance |doi=10.1007/978-3-031-08956-5_353-1 |chapter-url=https://link.springer.com/referenceworkentry/10.1007/978-3-031-08956-5_353-1}}</ref><ref name="tallis-define" /><ref name=":0" /><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tennov|1999|pp=4-5, 72, 168, 181, 211}}</ref>

''[[Collins Dictionary]]'' defines romantic love as "an intensity and idealization of a love relationship, in which the other is imbued with extraordinary virtue, beauty, etc., so that the relationship overrides all other considerations, including material ones."<ref name=":17">{{Cite book |last1=Jary |first1=David |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=vavLSAAACAAJ |title=Collins Dictionary of Sociology |last2=Jary |first2=Julia |date=2000 |publisher=HarperCollins |isbn=978-0-00-472511-6 |pages=525 |language=en}}</ref> The concept of romantic love also came to represent the idea of [[Individualism|individualistic]] choice in [[marriage]] and [[Sexual partner|sexual partners]], although it's rarely realized fully and can be a source of both gratification and disappointment in relationships.<ref name=":17" />

People who experience little to no romantic attraction are referred to as [[aromantic]].

== General definitions ==
The meaning of the term "romantic love" has changed considerably throughout history, making it difficult to easily define without examining its cultural origins. The term is used with multiple definitions by academics.<ref name="tallis-define">{{harvnb|Tallis|2005|pp=87-88, 106}}: "The cultural history of 'romance' and various meanings of the word 'romantic' make it extremely difficult to define 'romantic love'. Academic psychology—usually quite pedantic about its terminology—has been unable to establish a consensus. Some psychologists use the term in accordance with its courtly origins, whereas others use it interchangeably with 'passionate love'. As a culture, we seem to have settled on the latter usage, viewing 'romantic love' and 'falling in love' as much the same thing."</ref><ref name=":0">{{Harvard citation no brackets|Karandashev|2017|p=xi–xiii, 35–38}}</ref> In [[Western culture]], the term may be used indiscriminately to refer to almost any attraction between men and women or which includes a sexual component ([[heterosexual]], [[homosexual]], or otherwise), although "romance" and "love" are distinguishable concepts.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Johnson|2013|pp=43-44, 102-103}}</ref><ref>{{harvnb|Diamond|2008|pp=216-217}}</ref><!-- Note: Johnson uses the actual phrase "man and woman" in his text, so Diamond's source is cited to include a modern understanding of sexual and romantic orientation in this idea. However, please note that Johnson and Diamond use terminology slightly different in these two references. Please see the rest of the article and the talk page for an understanding of the different connotations of "romance" and "romantic love". Johnson uses the terms to refer to one particular way to be in love (involving a general type of situation), while Diamond uses them to refer to being in love in general. In this way, Diamond's source does refer directly to the subject matter of Johnson's comments (combining them is not [[WP:SYNTH]]), although the specific way in which the sources relate may not be immediately obvious to a reader who is unfamiliar with the different connotations of the terms. --> According to the [[Psychotherapy|psychotherapist]] [[Robert A. Johnson (psychotherapist)|Robert Johnson]], the conflation is based on a kind of confusion over terms, with a cultural history of idealizing [[falling in love]] and [[Passion (emotion)|passion]]-seeking over more ordinary concerns like [[affection]] and [[Committed relationship|commitment]].<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Johnson|2013|pp=43-44, 46-48, 102-103, 147-148, 189-196}}</ref>

The term is often used to distinguish from other types of [[Interpersonal relationship|interpersonal relationships]] (conjugal, parental, friendship), and in contrast to the modern interpretation of [[platonic love]] (which precludes [[sexual relations]]).<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Karandashev|2017|pp=xii-xiii, 29}}</ref> The notion that romantic love only occurs within a [[Intimate relationship|relationship]] of some kind, however, has been called a misconception.<ref name="refuting" /> It has also been argued that romantic love can actually be "platonic" in some cases, for example, as in the case of a [[romantic friendship]] which involves passionate feelings without [[sexual desire]].<ref name=":7">{{cite journal |last1=Diamond |first1=Lisa M. |author-link=Lisa M. Diamond |date=June 2004 |title=Emerging Perspectives on Distinctions Between Romantic Love and Sexual Desire |journal=Current Directions in Psychological Science |volume=13 |issue=3 |pages=116–119 |doi=10.1111/j.0963-7214.2004.00287.x |s2cid=35022167}}</ref><ref name=":1">{{cite journal |last1=Diamond |first1=Lisa M. |author-link=Lisa M. Diamond |date=2003 |title=What does sexual orientation orient? A biobehavioral model distinguishing romantic love and sexual desire. |journal=Psychological Review |volume=110 |issue=1 |pages=173–192 |doi=10.1037/0033-295X.110.1.173 |pmid=12529061}}</ref>

In academic fields of [[psychology]], the term "romantic love" might be used in reference to any of the definitions given below ([[courtly love]]; romanticism and unrealistic, idealized love; or the state of being in love).<ref name="tallis-define" /><ref name="prox-ult">{{Cite journal |last1=Bode |first1=Adam |last2=Kushnick |first2=Geoff |date=2021 |title=Proximate and Ultimate Perspectives on Romantic Love |journal=Frontiers in Psychology |language=English |volume=12 |article-number=573123 |doi=10.3389/fpsyg.2021.573123 |issn=1664-1078 |pmc=8074860 |pmid=33912094 |doi-access=free}}</ref><ref name="what-is-romantic-love" /> The psychologist [[Dorothy Tennov]] once criticized the reactions to romantic love in the scientific literature as "confused and contradictory".<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tennov|1999|p=168}}</ref>

=== The literary tradition ===
{{Quote box
|quote=''<poem>From all ills mine differs;
It pleasures me;
    I rejoice in it;
My illness is what
    I want
And my pain is my health!
I don't see, then,
    of what I complain,
For my illness comes to
    me of my own will;
It is my own wish
    that becomes my ill,
But I find so much
    pleasure in wishing thus
That I suffer
    agreeably,
And so much
    joy with my pain
That I am sick
    with delight</poem>''|author=[[Troubadour]] poet<br>[[Chrétien de Troyes]]<ref>{{harvnb|Johnson|2013|pp=146-147}}</ref>|source=
}}
The word "romance" is derived from the [[Latin]] word ''Romanus'', meaning "Rome" or "Roman". In the modern day, the word is used with multiple connotations, but its history has a connection to the telling of love stories. After the fall of the [[Roman Empire]], a Latin adverb ''Romanice'' (from ''Romanus'') became used to mean "in the vernacular" to identify languages which were derivatives of Latin, when Latin itself was used in more formal contexts at the time. In [[Old French]] (one of the Latin derivatives), this later became ''romans'' or ''romanz'', which referred both to the language itself, and also to works composed in it. In the [[Middle Ages]], this ''romans''/''romanz'' took on a meaning as referring specifically to a type of narrative verse about [[chivalry]] and love (called [[chivalric romance]]).<ref name=":16">{{Cite web |title=Ah, 'Romance': A Word Borne to English on the Breastplates of Chivalry |url=https://www.merriam-webster.com/wordplay/ah-romance-a-word-borne-to-english-on-the-breastplates-of-chivalry |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20250322005000/https://www.merriam-webster.com/wordplay/ah-romance-a-word-borne-to-english-on-the-breastplates-of-chivalry |archive-date=22 March 2025 |access-date=24 August 2025 |website=[[Merriam-Webster]] |language=en}}</ref><ref name="burgess-chivalric-romance">{{Cite web |last=Burgess |first=Adam |date=12 May 2025 |title=Medieval Chivalric Romance |url=https://www.thoughtco.com/the-medieval-chivalric-romance-740720 |access-date=8 October 2025 |website=ThoughtCo |language=en}}</ref> Some of the earliest literature containing themes considered "romantic" in a more modern sense was written by [[France|French]] poets known as [[Troubadour|troubadours]]—exploring a kind of thematic love for a "cold, cruel mistress".<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Johnson|2013|p=147}}</ref><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tallis|2005|p=93}}</ref><ref name="Karandasehv-88" /> These poets, like [[Chrétien de Troyes]], were being encouraged by royalty to compose works exemplifying certain ideals (now called "[[courtly love]]"),{{NoteTag|The term "courtly love" (French: "amour courtois") was coined by the French medievalist [[Gaston Paris]], in 1883.<ref name="singer-paris">{{harvnb|Singer|2009|p=19–22}}</ref><ref name="Karandasehv-88">{{harvnb|Karandashev|2017|p=88}}</ref>}} principally in the town of [[Poitiers]], where [[Andreas Capellanus]] also came to write [[De amore (Andreas Capellanus)|''The Art of Courtly Love'']].<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tallis|2005|pp=93-95}}</ref> Courtly love then became emphasized as a theme for chivalric romance.<ref name="Karandasehv-88"/><ref name="burgess-chivalric-romance"/>

The French ''romans'' was [[anglicized]] into "romance",<ref>{{harvnb|Johnson|2013|p=46}}</ref> and initially the term "romantic love" referred to those attitudes and behaviors of courtly love.<ref name="Karandashev-7"/>{{NoteTag|One early reference (1700) to the phrase "romantic love" is made in reference to the novel ''[[Don Quixote]]'', about a knight driven mad by reading [[chivalric romance]].<ref>{{Cite book |last=Saavedra |first=Miguel de Cervantes |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=4LxZytJ0B8AC&q=%22romantic%20love%22 |title=The History of the Renown'd Don Quixote de la Mancha |date=1700 |publisher=Sam. Buckley |page=24 |language=en}}</ref><ref>{{Cite news |last=Chrisafis |first=Angelique |date=2002-05-08 |title=Don Quixote is the world's best book say the world's top authors |url=https://www.theguardian.com/world/2002/may/08/humanities.books |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20250829194510/https://www.theguardian.com/world/2002/may/08/humanities.books |archive-date=2025-08-29 |access-date=2025-09-26 |work=[[The Guardian]] |language=en-GB |issn=0261-3077}}</ref>}} Courtly love involved themes elevating the status of the woman, of passionate suffering and separation, and a transformation of the lovers to another plane of existence.<ref name="Karandashev-7">{{harvnb|Karandashev|2017|p=7}}</ref> This is said to have originated from the troubadour poetry and the work by Capellanus, although they were also influenced by even earlier works. Often, stories inspired by this tradition are depictions of tragic or unfulfilled love. Some examples of "romantic love" stories in this vein are ''[[Layla and Majnun]]'', works of [[Arthurian legend]] (i.e. [[Lancelot]] and [[Guinevere]]), ''[[Tristan and Iseult]]'', [[Dante Alighieri|Dante]] and [[Beatrice Portinari|Beatrice]] (from ''[[La Vita Nuova]]''), ''[[Romeo and Juliet]]'' and ''[[The Sorrows of Young Werther]]''.<ref>{{harvnb|Tallis|2005|pp=87–117}}</ref>{{NoteTag|Strictly speaking, "courtly love" originally referred to the cultural phenomenon which flourished in 12th-century [[France]], although the meaning of the term is imprecise.<ref name="Karandasehv-88"/><ref name="singer-paris"/> The literary style spread to other areas, such as [[Great Britain|Britain]], where [[Arthurian legend]] was created, which has also been called courtly love.<ref>{{harvnb|Karandashev|2017|pp=88, 93}}</ref> [[Italian Renaissance]] writers in the 13th and 14th centuries (e.g. [[Dante Alighieri|Dante]] and [[Petrarch]]) were influenced by the tradition.<ref>{{harvnb|Karandashev|2017|pp=94, 107}}</ref><ref>{{harvnb|Tallis|2005|pp=98-99}}</ref><ref>{{harvnb|Rougemont|1983|pp=176—177}}</ref> [[Shakespeare]] (16th–17th centuries) and other writers in his time advocated for love to be a basis for marriage.<ref>{{harvnb|Branden|1981|p=26}}</ref><ref>{{harvnb|Karandashev|2017|pp=108-109}}</ref> [[Goethe]] and [[Romanticism]] later came in the 18th century with a literary tradition resembling courtly love, but with modified ideals.<ref>{{harvnb|Karandashev|2017|p=113}}</ref><ref>{{harvnb|Branden|1981|pp=33-37}}</ref> The entire historical movement has been referred to as "romantic love", or "romantic tradition".<ref>{{harvnb|Tallis|2005|pp=93, 101, 108-109}}</ref>}} The modern [[romance novel]] as it's known today (e.g. by [[Jane Austen]]) emerged during the 18th-century period of this movement.<ref>{{Cite web |last=Pagan |first=Amanda |date=February 15, 2019 |title=A Brief History of the Romance Novel |url=https://www.nypl.org/blog/2019/02/15/brief-history-romance-novel-recommendations |access-date=2025-09-24 |website=[[New York Public Library]] |language=en}}</ref><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Karandashev|2017|pp=115-116}}</ref>

Modern depictions of this type of love story are in [[Twilight (novel series)|''Twilight'']] ([[Edward Cullen]] and [[Bella Swan]]),<ref>{{Cite journal |last=Kokkola |first=Lydia |date=July 2011 |title=Sparkling vampires: Valorizing self-harming behavior in Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series |url=https://muse.jhu.edu/article/448363 |journal=Bookbird: A Journal of International Children's Literature |language=en |volume=49 |issue=3 |pages=33–46 |doi=10.1353/bkb.2011.0054 |issn=1918-6983|url-access=subscription }}</ref><ref>{{Cite web |last=Gunning |first=Cathal |date=2021-07-11 |title=Twilight: Every Romeo & Juliet Reference Explained |url=https://screenrant.com/twilight-new-moon-shakespeare-romeo-juliet-similarities-differences-explained/ |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20250819033708/https://screenrant.com/twilight-new-moon-shakespeare-romeo-juliet-similarities-differences-explained/ |archive-date=2025-08-19 |access-date=2025-10-17 |website=ScreenRant |language=en}}</ref><ref name=":22">{{Cite web |last=Messman-Rucker |first=Ariel |date=29 May 2025 |title=Limerence explained: Is it a crush or an obsession? |url=https://www.pride.com/answers-advice/love-and-sex/limerence-explained |access-date=1 June 2025 |website=[[Pride.com]] |language=en}}</ref> and ''[[Star Wars]]'' ([[Anakin Skywalker]] and [[Padmé Amidala]]).<ref>{{Cite web |last=Yoor |first=Kelsey |date=2022-07-13 |title=The Medieval Roots of the Greatest Love Story in Star Wars |url=https://www.cbr.com/anakin-padme-doomed-romance-tristan-isolde-inspiration-star-wars/ |access-date=2025-10-08 |website=CBR |language=en}}</ref><ref>{{Cite book |last=McDonald |first=Paul F. |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=Wf4CAQAAQBAJ&pg=PA69 |title=The Star Wars Heresies: Interpreting the Themes, Symbols and Philosophies of Episodes I, II and III |date=2013-09-17 |publisher=McFarland |isbn=978-0-7864-7181-2 |pages=67–74 |language=en}}</ref><ref>{{Cite book |url=https://books.google.com/books?vid=ISBN9781119841432 |title=Star Wars and Philosophy Strikes Back: This Is the Way |date=2023 |publisher=Wiley-Blackwell |isbn=978-1-119-84143-2 |editor-last=Eberl |editor-first=Jason T. |series=Blackwell philosophy and pop culture series |location=Hoboken, NJ |pages=21, 276, 277 |editor-last2=Decker |editor-first2=Kevin S.}}</ref>

The courtly and romantic traditions are said to have influenced attitudes towards love in [[Western culture]], attitudes which continue to be present in the modern day.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tallis|2005|pp=93-104, 108-112}}</ref><ref name=":3" />{{NoteTag|Some authors have considered the "courtly" and "romantic" ideas of love to be identical, but this direct connection through history has been overstated. According to [[Irving Singer]], "Concepts of courtly and Romantic love belong to disparate (though intersecting) philosophical traditions", and the modern idea of romantic love largely originates from around the time of [[David Hume]] and other contemporaneous developments. Hume was an 18th-century [[Philosophy|philosopher]] who argued that "reason is and ought to be the slave of the passions".<ref name="singer-courtly-love">{{Harvard citation no brackets|Singer|2009|pp=xviii–xix, 28, 114–115, 121, 285–286}}</ref>}} The cultural movement is critiqued for promising a kind of "story-book" or "fairy-tale" love when the stories themselves are actually depictions of suffering and tragedy, perhaps making the culture "blind to love's madness".<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tallis|2005|pp=109-110}}</ref><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Johnson|2013|pp=46-47, 102-103, 147-148}}</ref> According to the cultural critic [[Denis de Rougemont]], "Happy love has no history—''in European literature''. And a love that is not mutual cannot pass for a true love."<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Rougemont|1983|p=52}}</ref>{{NoteTag|[[Denis de Rougemont]] is a notable 20th-century theorist who argued that the medieval [[troubadours]] were secretly [[Cathars]], and that romantic love sprung forth from this as a kind of [[religious]] [[heresy]] (against [[Christianity]]) "by people whose spirit, whether naturally or by inheritance, was still [[pagan]]".<ref>{{harvnb|Rougemont|1983|pp=60, 74–102, 173–174}}</ref><ref name="singer-courtly-love"/><ref name="lee-heresy"/> [[Irving Singer]] has called de Rougemont's version of history a kind of "propagandistic inaccuracy".<ref name="singer-courtly-love"/> An alternative theory is that troubadour poetry was influenced by Arab works, like ''[[Layla and Majnun]]''.<ref>{{harvnb|Tallis|2005|pp=89–93}}</ref><ref name="lee-heresy"/><ref>{{harvnb|Rougemont|1983|pp=102–107}}</ref>}}

=== The sociological phenomenon ===
In the [[Social science|social sciences]], the term "romantic love" has been used to refer to an unrealistic, irrational and idealized kind of love, reminiscent of the attitudes depicted in the literary tradition.<ref name="what-is-romantic-love">{{Cite web |last=Karandashev |first=Victor |date=12 March 2022 |title=What Is Romantic Love? |url=https://love-diversity.org/what-is-romantic-love/ |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20250107215724/https://love-diversity.org/what-is-romantic-love/ |archive-date=7 January 2025 |access-date=7 January 2025 |website=The Diversity of Love Journal}}</ref> The set of beliefs associated with the phenomenon is also called "romanticism".<ref name=":2">{{Cite journal |last1=Reis |first1=Harry T. |author-link1=Harry Reis |last2=Sprecher |first2=Susan |title=Sage Reference - Encyclopedia of Human Relationships - Romanticism |url=https://sk.sagepub.com/ency/edvol/humanrelationships/chpt/romanticism |access-date=21 August 2025 |website=[[Sage Publishing]] |doi=10.4135/9781412958479.n454|url-access=subscription }}</ref><ref>{{Cite book |last=Karandashev |first=Victor |date=2019 |title=Cross-Cultural Perspectives on the Experience and Expression of Love |url=https://link.springer.com/book/10.1007/978-3-030-15020-4 |publisher=SpringerLink |chapter=4. Idealization and Romantic Beliefs in Love |language=en |doi=10.1007/978-3-030-15020-4 |isbn=978-3-030-15019-8 }}</ref>{{NoteTag|This is only partially connected to [[Romanticism]], the movement which came out of [[Germany]] near the end of the 18th century. The Romantic movement had some origins in a classic romantic novel by [[Johann Wolfgang von Goethe|Goethe]], ''[[The Sorrows of Young Werther]]'', and went on to affect cultural attitudes towards love and marriage, but it also had wider concerns.<ref>{{harvnb|Tallis|2005|p=102}}</ref><ref>{{harvnb|Karandashev|2017|pp=113-114}}</ref> "Romanticism" is another term which is complicated to define.<ref>{{harvnb|Singer|2009|pp=283-284}}: "I shall not be offering a definition of romanticism, though I recognize that seeking one can be a worthy pursuit for scholars. Like other portmanteau words—the Renaissance, for instance—the term can be useful for demarcating a major occurrence in history; but no definition will ever encompass the complexity of similarities and differences that constitute so massive a phenomenon."</ref>}} Lovers with romantic beliefs and attitudes tend to idealize their loved one and live in a world of fantasy. They believe in a "soul mate" or "one true love", and believe that "true love" will last forever.<ref name="what-is-romantic-love" /><ref>{{harvnb|Karandashev|2017|pp=8, 14, 24, 31-34}}</ref><ref name=":2" /> They believe that "true love" will overcome all obstacles, that love is the only legitimate basis for selecting a mate, and that one should "follow their heart" and reject [[reason]] and [[rationality]].<ref name=":2" /> Romantic love in this sense is contrasted with rational, practical or pragmatic love.<ref name="what-is-romantic-love"/><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Karandashev|2017|p=xiii}}</ref>

[[Stanton Peele]], who introduced the concept of "[[love addiction]]" into the literature,<ref>{{Cite journal |last=Cavalli |first=Roberta Gabriella |last2=Feeney |first2=Judith |last3=Rogier |first3=Guyonne |last4=Velotti |first4=Patrizia |date=2025-07-02 |title=Conceptualizing love addiction within the attachment perspective: A systematic  review and meta-analysis |url=https://akjournals.com/view/journals/2006/14/2/article-p611.xml |journal=Journal of Behavioral Addictions |volume=14 |issue=2 |pages=611–629 |doi=10.1556/2006.2025.00031 |issn=2063-5303 |pmc=12284683 |pmid=40299575}}</ref> has criticized the romantic cultural ideal as "less critical and evaluative"—underlying "unhealthy extremes" he says of addictive relationships, [[lovesickness]], and [[Dorothy Tennov|Dorothy Tennov's]] [[limerence]].<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Peele|1988|pp=164–165, 173–177, 183–184}}</ref><blockquote>Love addiction is then a primary manifestation of individual aberrance in a society whose values "hold out the possibility of falling in love as a life solution, where love is seen as a transcendent experience and as a rite of passage into adulthood, and where social life is organized almost entirely around being with the one you love" [...].</blockquote>Peele adopts the view of [[Erich Fromm|Eric Fromm]], that love "chiefly engages a person's concern for others".<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Peele|1988|pp=161, 165}}</ref>

=== The biological definition ===
[[File:Mesocorticolimbic_Circuit.png|thumb|[[Dopamine]] is produced in the [[ventral tegmental area]] (VTA) of the brain, and projected to the [[nucleus accumbens]] (NAc). Dopamine activity in the NAc is key to the attribution of [[Salience (neuroscience)|salience]].<ref name=":25" />]]
{{Further|Biology of romantic love#Definition of romantic love}}
Bode & Kushnick undertook a comprehensive review of romantic love from a [[Biology|biological]] perspective in 2021. They considered the [[psychology]] of romantic love, its mechanisms, development across the lifespan, functions, and evolutionary history. Based on the content of that review, they proposed a biological definition of  romantic love:<ref name="prox-ult"/>

<blockquote>Romantic love is a [[Motivation|motivational state]] typically associated with a desire for long-term mating with a particular individual. It occurs across the lifespan and is associated with distinctive cognitive, emotional, behavioral, social, genetic, neural, and endocrine activity in both sexes. Throughout much of the life course, it serves [[mate choice]], [[courtship]], [[Sexual intercourse|sex]], and [[pair-bonding]] functions. It is a suite of adaptations and by-products that arose sometime during the recent evolutionary history of humans.</blockquote>

Romantic love in this sense might also be referred to as "being in love", [[passionate love]], [[infatuation]], [[limerence]], [[obsessive love]], [[Eros (concept)|eros]] ([[Ancient Greek philosophy|ancient Greek]]) or [[Colour wheel theory of love#Eros|eros]]/[[Colour wheel theory of love#Mania|mania]] ([[Colour wheel theory of love|love styles]]).<ref name="prox-ult" /><ref name="4th-dim">{{cite journal |last1=Berscheid |first1=Ellen |author-link=Ellen S. Berscheid |date=2010 |title=Love in the Fourth Dimension |url=https://www.annualreviews.org/content/journals/10.1146/annurev.psych.093008.100318 |journal=[[Annual Review of Psychology]] |volume=61 |pages=1–25 |doi=10.1146/annurev.psych.093008.100318 |pmid=19575626 |url-access=subscription}}</ref><ref name="fisher22">{{Cite journal |last1=Fisher |first1=Helen E. |author-link1=Helen Fisher (anthropologist) |last2=Aron |first2=Arthur |author-link2=Arthur Aron |last3=Mashek |first3=Debra |last4=Li |first4=Haifang |last5=Brown |first5=Lucy L. |date=2002-10-01 |title=Defining the Brain Systems of Lust, Romantic Attraction, and Attachment |url=https://doi.org/10.1023/A:1019888024255 |journal=Archives of Sexual Behavior |language=en |volume=31 |issue=5 |pages=413–419 |doi=10.1023/A:1019888024255 |pmid=12238608 |issn=1573-2800|url-access=subscription }}</ref><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Hatfield|1988|p=191}}</ref> Romantic love is not necessarily "dyadic", "social" or "interpersonal", despite being related to pair bonding. Romantic love can be experienced outside the context of a [[Intimate relationship|relationship]], as in the case of [[unrequited love]] where the feelings are not reciprocated.<ref name="refuting">{{cite journal |last1=Langeslag |first1=Sandra |author-link=Sandra Langeslag |date=2024 |title=Refuting Six Misconceptions about Romantic Love |journal=Behavioral Sciences |volume=14 |issue=5 |page=383 |doi=10.3390/bs14050383 |pmc=11117554 |pmid=38785874 |doi-access=free}}</ref><ref name="bringle">{{Cite journal |last1=Bringle |first1=Robert G. |last2=Winnick |first2=Terri |last3=Rydell |first3=Robert J. |date=2013-04-01 |title=The Prevalence and Nature of Unrequited Love |url=https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/2158244013492160 |journal=SAGE Open |language=en |volume=3 |issue=2 |article-number=2158244013492160 |doi=10.1177/2158244013492160 |hdl=1805/15150 |issn=2158-2440 |hdl-access=free}}</ref> People in love experience [[motivational salience]] for a loved one (focused attention, associated with "wanting" a rewarding experience), which is mediated by [[dopamine]] activity in the brain's [[reward system]].<ref name="fisher23" /><ref name="fisher3" /><ref name=":102">{{Cite journal |last1=Berridge |first1=Kent |author-link=Kent C. Berridge |last2=Robinson |first2=Terry |author-link2=Terry Earl Robinson |last3=Aldridge |first3=J. Wayne |date=February 2009 |title=Dissecting components of reward: 'liking', 'wanting', and learning |journal=[[Current Opinion in Pharmacology]] |volume=9 |issue=1 |pages=65–73 |doi=10.1016/j.coph.2008.12.014 |pmc=2756052 |pmid=19162544}}</ref> Because of this and other similarities, it has been argued that romantic love is an [[addiction]] (which can be positive when reciprocated), but academics do not agree on when this is the case, or on a definition of "[[love addiction]]".<ref name="fisher3" /><ref name=":32">{{Cite journal |last1=Earp |first1=Brian D. |author-link=Brian Earp |last2=Wudarczyk |first2=Olga A. |last3=Foddy |first3=Bennett |last4=Savulescu |first4=Julian |author-link4=Julian Savulescu |date=2017 |title=Addicted to Love: What Is Love Addiction and When Should It Be Treated? |journal=Philosophy, Psychiatry, & Psychology |language=en |volume=24 |issue=1 |pages=77–92 |doi=10.1353/ppp.2017.0011 |issn=1086-3303 |pmc=5378292 |pmid=28381923}}</ref>

Some authors also consider [[companionate love]] and [[Attachment theory|attachment]] to be romantic love, or consider romantic love to be an attachment process.<ref name="refuting" /><ref name="romantic-love-us" /><ref name="co-opted" /><ref name="hazanshaver">{{cite journal |last1=Hazan |first1=Cindy |last2=Shaver |first2=Phillip |author-link2=Phillip R. Shaver |date=April 1987 |title=Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process |url=https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1987-21950-001 |url-status=live |journal=[[Journal of Personality and Social Psychology]] |volume=52 |issue=3 |pages=511–524 |doi=10.1037/0022-3514.52.3.511 |pmid=3572722 |url-access=subscription |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20240418091229/https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1987-21950-001 |archive-date=18 April 2024 |access-date=23 March 2024}}</ref> According to a contemporary model of the brain systems involved with romantic love, the attachment system is active during the early stage of romantic love, in addition to the later stages of a relationship.<ref name="co-opted" /> The attachment system has been associated with [[oxytocin]], which has been found circulating in people experiencing romantic love.<ref name="co-opted" /><ref name=":25">{{Cite journal |last=Love |first=Tiffany M. |date=April 2014 |title=Oxytocin, motivation and the role of dopamine |journal=Pharmacology Biochemistry and Behavior |language=en |volume=119 |pages=49–60 |doi=10.1016/j.pbb.2013.06.011 |pmid=23850525 |pmc=3877159}}</ref> Oxytocin may be a source of salience for a loved one, due to its activity in motivation pathways in the brain. Oxytocin is projected from the [[hypothalamus]] to reward areas, which is believed to modulate salience in response to social stimuli.<ref name=":12">{{Cite journal |last1=Bode |first1=Adam |last2=Kavanagh |first2=Phillip S. |date=November 2023 |title=Romantic Love and Behavioral Activation System Sensitivity to a Loved One |journal=Behavioral Sciences |language=en |volume=13 |issue=11 |pages=921 |doi=10.3390/bs13110921 |issn=2076-328X |pmc=10669312 |pmid=37998668 |doi-access=free}}</ref><ref name=":25" /> [[Endogenous opioids]] are also believed to be involved with romantic love, associated with the hedonic (or "liking") aspect of rewarding experiences.<ref name="co-opted" /><ref name=":31">{{Cite journal |last1=Machin |first1=A.J. |author-link=Anna Machin |last2=Dunbar |first2=R.I.M |author-link2=Robin Dunbar |date=2011 |title=The brain opioid theory of social attachment: a review of the evidence |url=https://brill.com/view/journals/beh/148/9-10/article-p985_1.xml |journal=Behaviour |volume=148 |issue=9–10 |pages=985–1025 |doi=10.1163/000579511X596624 |issn=0005-7959 |url-access=subscription}}</ref><ref name=":102" />

An [[fMRI]] experiment of people who were in happy, long-term relationships but professed to still be "madly" in love with their partners found that the participants showed brain activations in dopamine-rich reward areas (interpreted as "wanting" or "desire for union"), but also in an area rich with opiate receptors ("liking"). Unlike people who were newly in love, these participants also did not show activity in areas associated with [[anxiety]] and [[fear]], and reported far less obsessional features ([[Intrusive thought|intrusive thoughts]] about a loved one, uncertainty and mood swings—features which are compared to infatuation or limerence).<ref name="time-marriage">{{Cite magazine |last=Staff |first=TIME |date=11 January 2011 |title=What Your Brain Looks Like After 20 Years of Marriage |url=https://time.com/archive/7142893/what-your-brain-looks-like-after-20-years-of-marriage/ |access-date=5 August 2025 |magazine=[[Time (magazine)|TIME]] |language=en}}</ref><ref name="acevedo2011">{{Cite journal |last1=Acevedo |first1=Bianca |author-link=Bianca Acevedo |last2=Aron |first2=Arthur |author-link2=Arthur Aron |last3=Fisher |first3=Helen |author-link3=Helen Fisher (anthropologist) |last4=Brown |first4=Lucy |date=5 January 2011 |title=Neural correlates of long-term intense romantic love |url=https://academic.oup.com/scan/article/7/2/145/1622197 |journal=[[Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience]] |volume=7 |issue=2 |pages=145–159 |doi=10.1093/scan/nsq092 |pmc=3277362 |pmid=21208991}}</ref><ref name="acevedo2009">{{Cite journal |last1=Acevedo |first1=Bianca |author-link=Bianca Acevedo |last2=Aron |first2=Arthur |author-link2=Arthur Aron |date=1 March 2009 |title=Does a Long-Term Relationship Kill Romantic Love? |url=https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1037/a0014226 |journal=[[Review of General Psychology]] |volume=13 |issue=1 |pages=59–65 |doi=10.1037/a0014226 |url-access=subscription}}</ref> Usually romantic love inside a relationship lasts for just about a year or 18 months.<ref>{{cite news |date=28 November 2005 |title=Romantic love 'lasts just a year' |url=https://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4478040.stm |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20100722011424/http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4478040.stm |archive-date=22 July 2010 |access-date=10 April 2010 |work=BBC News}}</ref><ref name="fisher3" />

=== Love styles ===
{{Main article|Colour wheel theory of love}}

One of the problems with "[[love]]" is that the word can be used to refer to so many different things.<ref name="4th-dim" /><ref name=":5" /> The sociologist [[John Alan Lee]] invented the concept of a "love style" to distinguish between different types of "love stories", or the plethora of possible ways to love another person.<ref name=":20">{{Cite journal |last=Lee |first=John Alan |author-link=John Alan Lee |date=1977b |title=A Typology of Styles of Loving |url=https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/014616727700300204 |journal=Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin |language=en |volume=3 |issue=2 |pages=173–182 |doi=10.1177/014616727700300204 |issn=0146-1672 |url-access=subscription}}</ref><ref name=":5">{{Harvard citation no brackets|Lee|1973|pp=1-19}}</ref> People usually have a preferred or "favorite" love style, but this can change over a lifetime, and they can also have different love styles with different people.<ref name="lee-88-pref">{{Harvard citation no brackets|Lee|1988|pp=41–42}}</ref><ref name="lee-77-pref">{{Harvard citation no brackets|Lee|1977a|pp=6–8, 182}}</ref><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tallis|2005|p=41}}</ref>

Lee has stated that the elements of romantic love may actually correspond to several of his love styles: eros ([[Eros (concept)|erotic love]], or love of beauty), mania (compared to [[limerence]], [[obsessive love]] or [[love addiction]]), and ludus (game-playing, non-committal love).<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Lee|1973|pp=92-93, 195-196}}</ref><ref name=":18">{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tallis|2005|pp=42–43, 93}}</ref><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Hatfield|Walster|1985|pp=38-39}}</ref><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Lee|1988|p=46}}</ref> Of these, eros and mania most correspond to the experience of [[Falling in love|"falling" in love]].<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Hendrick|Hendrick|2006|pp=154-155}}</ref> A manic lover falls in love with somebody inappropriate in many cases (a stranger, or even somebody they don't actually like), and tends to experience relationship difficulties.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Lee|1988|pp=45-46}}</ref><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Lee|1998|p=37}}</ref><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Lee|1973|pp=91-92, 97-104}}</ref> Mania is most closely compared to eros, the romantic style in search of an ideal physical type. Eros lovers are more self-assured and tend to fall in love in a less chaotic way.<ref name=":6">{{Harvard citation no brackets|Lee|1973|pp=33-36, 43-46, 92-93}}</ref> Eros is considered to be more positive than mania.<ref name=":10" /> The most common romantic theme in the literary tradition is tragedy or self-destruction, and Lee has associated the [[ideology]] of [[courtly love]] with the mania love style in particular.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Lee|1973|p=196}}</ref><ref name=":3">{{Harvard citation no brackets|Lee|1998|pp=54-55}}</ref><ref name="lee-heresy" /> According to Lee, [[Western culture]] came to view mania as a legitimate basis for mate selection through the courtly and romantic traditions. This replaced the [[medieval]] [[Christianity|Christian]] doctrine that [[marriage]] should focus on [[family values]] and [[child care]].<ref name=":3" /><ref name="lee-heresy">{{Cite journal |last=Lee |first=John Alan |author-link=John Alan Lee |date=November 1975 |title=The Romantic Heresy |url=https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1755-618X.1975.tb00556.x |journal=Canadian Review of Sociology/Revue Canadienne de Sociologie |language=en |volume=12 |issue=4 |pages=514–528 |doi=10.1111/j.1755-618X.1975.tb00556.x |issn=1755-6171|url-access=subscription }}</ref>

=== Limerence ===
[[File:Crystaled_salt_on_the_stick.jpg|thumb|"[[Crystallization (love)|Crystallization]]" was coined by the 19th-century French writer [[Stendhal]] to refer to the tendency of a person in love to overemphasize the positive aspects of their loved one and overlook the negative ("love is blind").<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=24, 29–32}}</ref><ref name="murray1996">{{cite journal |last1=Murray |first1=Sandra |last2=Holmes |first2=John |last3=Griffin |first3=Dale |date=January 1996 |title=The Benefits of Positive Illusions: Idealization and the Construction of Satisfaction in Close Relationships |url=https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2F0022-3514.70.1.79 |journal=[[Journal of Personality and Social Psychology]] |volume=70 |issue=1 |pages=79–98 |doi=10.1037/0022-3514.70.1.79|url-access=subscription }}</ref><ref>{{harvnb|Fisher|2016|p=21}}</ref><ref name="prox-ult"/> This idealization is now considered [[positive illusions]], and significant scientific evidence has shown that it contributes to relationship satisfaction, long-term well-being and decreased risk for relationship discontinuation.<ref name="murray1996"/><ref name="song-positive">{{Cite journal |last1=Song |first1=Hongwen |last2=Zhang |first2=Yongjun |last3=Zuo |first3=Lin |last4=Chen |first4=Xueli |last5=Cao |first5=Gui |last6=d’Oleire Uquillas |first6=Federico |last7=Zhang |first7=Xiaochu |date=2019-01-11 |title=Improving Relationships by Elevating Positive Illusion and the Underlying Psychological and Neural Mechanisms |journal=Frontiers in Human Neuroscience |language=English |volume=12 |article-number=526 |doi=10.3389/fnhum.2018.00526 |pmid=30687044 |issn=1662-5161 |doi-access=free|pmc=6336892 }}</ref>]]
{{Main article|Limerence}}

"Limerence" is a term coined by the [[psychology]] professor [[Dorothy Tennov]],{{NoteTag|Tennov's research study (published in her 1979 book) has been credited as largely marking the start of modern romantic love science.<ref name="prox-ult" /><ref>{{harvnb|Fisher|2016|p=20}}</ref> The researchers [[Ellen S. Berscheid|Ellen Berscheid]] and [[Elaine Hatfield]] made important early contributions to the field as well, and their tentative theory of [[passionate love]] is cited by Tennov in a discussion of the ''Romeo and Juliet'' effect.<ref name="what-is-love-greater-good">{{Cite web |last=Lewis |first=Katherine |date=22 May 2025 |title=What Is Love? Scientists Have Answers—But They Don't All Agree |url=https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_is_love_scientists_have_answersbut_they_dont_all_agree |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20250703181736/https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_is_love_scientists_have_answersbut_they_dont_all_agree |archive-date=3 July 2025 |access-date=7 July 2025 |website=[[Greater Good Science Center|Greater Good Magazine]] |language=en}}</ref><ref name="about-love-frustration" /><ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=56, 57, 282}}</ref>}} to refer to the kind of love madness or "all-absorbing" [[Infatuation|infatuated]] love depicted in romantic love literary works.<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=x, 16, 116, 161, 172}}: "The phenomenon that provides the subject of much romantic poetry and fiction has been called an addiction, an indication of low self-esteem, irrational, neurotic, erotomanic, and delusional." (p. x); "Limerence has been called 'romantic love' as opposed to 'real love' because to a vocal and often very articulate segment of the population it is unreal. But even when limerence is not believed in, or believed in only secretly, it still makes a good tale." (p. 161); "Writers have been philosophizing, moralizing, and eulogizing on the subject of 'erotic,' 'passionate,' 'romantic' love (''i.e.'' limerence) since Plato (and surely long before that). [...] Limerent persons, sufferers of an unallowable condition, find themselves speechless save for the ambiguity of 'poetic' expression." (p. 172)</ref><ref name="beam-limerence">{{Cite book |last=Beam |first=Joe |author-link=Joe Beam |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=O8q1ug9BiJUC&pg=PA72 |title=The Art of Falling in Love |date=2013 |publisher=Simon and Schuster |isbn=978-1-4516-7265-7 |language=en |pages=72, 75, 78, 80, 83}}</ref><ref name="Hayes" /><ref name=":18" /> Limerence is usually [[Unrequited love|unrequited]] in reality, and turns into a [[lovesickness]] which can be debilitating and difficult to end.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tennov|1999|p=133}}</ref><ref name="thelovedrug">{{cite news |last=Frankel |first=Valerie |date=2002 |title=The Love Drug |url=https://www.oprah.com/relationships/the-science-of-being-love-sick-relationships-and-limerence |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20240320005948/https://www.oprah.com/relationships/the-science-of-being-love-sick-relationships-and-limerence |archive-date=20 March 2024 |access-date=19 March 2024 |work=Oprah |format=web}}</ref><ref name=":312">{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tennov|1998|p=79}}: "When that one person [LO] fails to reciprocate, the result may be long hours of sustained lovesickness that is relieved, and then only slightly, by achieving the limerence goal in imagination. There may come a time when the sufferer has had enough and wants to end the painful prepossession, when all bases for hope have been exhausted and it is time to abandon ship, only to find—and this is the madness of it—that these thoughts cannot be turned off and on at will as can most thoughts."</ref><ref name="money-lovesick">{{harvnb|Money|1997|p=|pp=132–133}}: "Unrequited love is a synonym for unrequited limerence. It leaves a person vulnerable to an attack of lovesickness."</ref>

Tennov identified key components of limerence, including:<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tennov|1999|pp=23–24, 31–33, 40–41, 42, 44–46, 57, 119–120}}: "[T]o the degree that your reaction to a person is limerent, you respond to your construction of LO's qualities." (p. 33); "Limerence's most reliable attribute [...] is the intrusiveness of the preoccupation with LO." (p. 42); "Uncertainty about LO's true reaction is an essential aspect of your own limerence." (p. 57)</ref>

* idealization (or "[[Crystallization (love)|crystallization]]") of the loved one, called the "limerent object", or "LO".
* [[Intrusive thought|intrusive thoughts]] and constant [[Fantasy (psychology)|fantasizing]] about the limerent object.
* uncertain reciprocation intensifying the feeling and causing emotional volatility.

According to Tennov's research, limerence is normal (despite being a madness); however, she also encountered people who had not experienced it (whom she calls "nonlimerent") and were in fact unaware the stories depict a real phenomenon.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tennov|1999|pp=x, 13–16, 89–90, 110–111, 116–118, 161, 180,}}</ref><ref name=":18" /><ref name=":19">{{harvnb|Aron|Aron|1986|pp=58–59}}</ref> Tennov indicated limerence may be experienced by 50% of women and 35% of men,<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tennov|1999|pp=209–210}}</ref> and a 2025 survey found that 64% of people had experienced it and 32% "found it so distressing that it was hard to enjoy life".<ref>{{harvnb|Bellamy|2025|p=80}}</ref> In Tennov's conception, limerence can be reciprocated and result in a [[Intimate relationship|relationship]], but there must be obstacles (as in ''[[Romeo and Juliet]]'') for a mutual preoccupation to intensify.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tennov|1999|pp=20–22, 44, 46, 55–57, 129}}</ref><ref name="Hayes" />

Tennov complains in her book (and as recently as 2005) that not only are some people unaware the phenomenon is real, but that the scientific community does not properly distinguish it either.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tennov|1999|pp=4–5, 72, 116–118, 161, 168, 181, 211}}</ref><ref name=":11">{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tennov|2005|pp=14, 28, 412}}</ref> Terms like "romantic love", "passionate love" and "being in love" are all used to refer to limerence, but ''also'' to other things.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tennov|1999|pp=42, 72, 116}}</ref><ref name=":11" /> Another type of attraction pattern frequently described to her by informants (who also felt they were "in love") was a more companionate style she calls "affectional bonding", which emphasizes compatibility of interests, mutual preferences, ability to work together and pleasurable sex.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tennov|1999|pp=130–131}}</ref> Some informants would also speak of "obsession", yet not report ''intrusive'' (unwanted) thoughts, only "frequent and pleasurable" ones.<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=38, 114–115, 130}}</ref>

The [[Sociology|sociologist]] [[John Alan Lee]] has also commented on semantic issues, like how mania & eros are frequently confused, being lumped together as "romantic love".<ref name=":6" /><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Lee|1988|pp=59–66}}</ref><ref name=":14">{{Harvard citation no brackets|Lee|1998|p=|pp=41, 47}}</ref> Lee complains that his research was reviewed by [[Elaine Hatfield]] in ''A New Look at Love'' inside her chapter on ''passionate love'', when several love styles 'are not "passionate" at all!'<ref name=":14" /> Limerence has been compared to Lee's mania, with both Tennov & Lee having taken inspiration from [[courtly love]].<ref name=":18" /><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tennov|1999|p=174}}</ref><ref name="lee-heresy" />

In her 1988 book chapter, "Passionate and Companionate Love", Hatfield considers a litany of concepts ("being in love", limerence, Lee's mania & eros, and so on) together under "passionate love", and this more general idea became accepted in love research.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Hatfield|1988|pp=191, 197}}</ref><ref>{{harvnb|Tallis|2005|pp=47–48}}: "The terms passionate and companionate are intentionally broad headings, and both subsume many of the more precise varieties of love that can be found in the taxonomies of Lee and Sternberg."</ref> Later research, however, showed that the ''[[Passionate Love Scale]]'' has overly broad questions, measuring both obsessive and non-obsessive components.<ref name="acevedo2009" /><ref name="ias">{{cite journal |last1=Langeslag |first1=Sandra |author-link=Sandra Langeslag |last2=Muris |first2=Peter |last3=Franken |first3=Ingmar |date=25 Oct 2012 |title=Measuring Romantic Love: Psychometric Properties of the Infatuation and Attachment Scales |url=https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224499.2012.714011 |journal=[[The Journal of Sex Research]] |volume=50 |issue=8 |pages=739–747 |doi=10.1080/00224499.2012.714011 |pmid=23098269 |url-access=subscription}}</ref> It is possible to experience love feelings either with or without the obsessive element, and both ways have different trajectories in a relationship. Passionate love with obsession is only associated with satisfaction in short-term relationships, whereas love without obsession may sustain over a longer period.<ref name="acevedo2009" /><ref name="nbc2009">{{Cite web |date=20 March 2009 |title=Sweet science! Love lasts longer than thought |url=http://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/sweet-science-love-lasts-longer-thought-flna1C9450680 |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20220701205707/https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/sweet-science-love-lasts-longer-thought-flna1C9450680 |archive-date=1 July 2022 |access-date=5 August 2025 |website=[[NBC News]] |language=en}}</ref>

A 2013 study found that unrequited (unequal) love was four times more frequent than equal love, although little research has attempted to study or differentiate it.<ref name="bringle" />

== Origin of romantic love ==
[[File:John William Waterhouse - La Belle Dame sans Merci (1893).jpg|thumb|''La Belle Dame sans Merci'', by [[John William Waterhouse]]]]
{{Further|Biology of romantic love#Evolution of systems}}
Romantic love is believed to have evolved in [[Hominidae|hominids]] about 4.4 or 2 million years ago (depending on the theory), although the exact time has not been identified yet.<ref name="co-opted">{{cite journal |last1=Bode |first1=Adam |date=16 October 2023 |title=Romantic love evolved by co-opting mother-infant bonding |journal=[[Frontiers in Psychology]] |volume=14 |article-number=1176067 |doi=10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1176067 |pmc=10616966 |pmid=37915523 |doi-access=free}}</ref><ref name="prox-ult" /> It has been associated with a suite of [[Psychology|psychological]] characteristics, and brain scan experiments using [[Functional magnetic resonance imaging|fMRI]] have shown that it activates [[Reward system|reward areas]] in the brain.<ref name="fisher-tyranny">{{Citation |last=Fisher |first=Helen E. |title=The Tyranny of Love |date=2014 |work=Behavioral Addictions |pages=237–265 |url=https://linkinghub.elsevier.com/retrieve/pii/B9780124077249000100 |access-date=2025-07-28 |publisher=Elsevier |language=en |doi=10.1016/b978-0-12-407724-9.00010-0 |isbn=978-0-12-407724-9 |author-link=Helen Fisher (anthropologist)|url-access=subscription }}</ref><ref name="fisher1">{{cite journal |last1=Fisher |first1=Helen |author-link=Helen Fisher (anthropologist) |date=March 1998 |title=Lust, attraction, and attachment in mammalian reproduction |url=https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12110-998-1010-5 |journal=[[Human Nature (journal)|Human Nature]] |volume=9 |issue=1 |pages=23–52 |doi=10.1007/s12110-998-1010-5 |pmid=26197356 |url-access=subscription |access-date=18 February 2024}}</ref><ref name="fisher3">{{cite journal |last1=Fisher |first1=Helen |author-link=Helen Fisher (anthropologist) |last2=Xu |first2=Xiaomeng |last3=Aron |first3=Arthur |author-link3=Arthur Aron |last4=Brown |first4=Lucy |date=9 May 2016 |title=Intense, Passionate, Romantic Love: A Natural Addiction? How the Fields That Investigate Romance and Substance Abuse Can Inform Each Other |journal=[[Frontiers in Psychology]] |volume=7 |page=687 |doi=10.3389/fpsyg.2016.00687 |pmc=4861725 |pmid=27242601 |doi-access=free}}</ref> One prominent [[evolutionary theory]] developed by the [[anthropologist]] [[Helen Fisher (anthropologist)|Helen Fisher]] states that romantic love is a brain system evolved for mammalian [[mate choice]] (also called courtship attraction), an aspect of [[sexual selection]], for focusing energy on a preferred mating partner.<ref name="fisher4">{{cite journal |last1=Fisher |first1=Helen |author-link=Helen Fisher (anthropologist) |last2=Aron |first2=Arthur |author-link2=Arthur Aron |last3=Brown |first3=Lucy |date=13 Nov 2006 |title=Romantic love: a mammalian brain system for mate choice |journal=[[Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society]] |volume=361 |issue=1476 |pages=2173–2186 |doi=10.1098/rstb.2006.1938 |pmc=1764845 |pmid=17118931}}</ref><ref name="fisher23">{{Cite journal |last1=Fisher |first1=Helen E. |author-link1=Helen Fisher (anthropologist) |last2=Aron |first2=Arthur |author-link2=Arthur Aron |last3=Mashek |first3=Debra |last4=Li |first4=Haifang |last5=Brown |first5=Lucy L. |date=2002-10-01 |title=Defining the Brain Systems of Lust, Romantic Attraction, and Attachment |url=https://doi.org/10.1023/A:1019888024255 |journal=Archives of Sexual Behavior |language=en |volume=31 |issue=5 |pages=413–419 |doi=10.1023/A:1019888024255 |pmid=12238608 |issn=1573-2800 |url-access=subscription}}</ref><ref name="co-opted" /> In most species, courtship attraction is only brief (lasting minutes, hours, days or weeks), but Fisher believed that over the course of evolutionary time, it became prolonged and intensified in humans.<ref name="fisher4" /><ref name="fisher3" /> Another prominent theory states that romantic love re-purposed brain systems which were originally for mother-infant bonding, via an evolutionary process called [[Exaptation|co-option]] (or exaptation). Both types of love share similar features (preoccupation, exclusivity of focus, longing for reciprocity and idealization), and brain scans have shown overlapping areas.<ref name="co-opted" /><ref name="prox-ult" /><ref name=":1" />

It has been claimed on the basis of certain [[Ethnography|ethnographic]] reports that romantic love is limited to [[Western culture]], and does not exist in [[tribal societies]] throughout the world.<ref name="branden-tribal">{{Harvard citation no brackets|Branden|1981|pp=11-13}}</ref><ref name=":4">{{Cite news |last=Goleman |first=Daniel |date=24 November 1992 |title=After Kinship and Marriage, Anthropology Discovers Love (Published 1992) |url=https://www.nytimes.com/1992/11/24/science/after-kinship-and-marriage-anthropology-discovers-love.html |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20201112030228/http://www.nytimes.com/1992/11/24/science/after-kinship-and-marriage-anthropology-discovers-love.html |archive-date=12 November 2020 |access-date=25 September 2025 |work=[[The New York Times]] |language=en}}</ref><ref name="jankowiak-fischer">{{Cite journal |last1=Jankowiak |first1=William R. |last2=Fischer |first2=Edward F. |date=April 1992 |title=A Cross-Cultural Perspective on Romantic Love |journal=Ethnology |volume=31 |issue=2 |pages=149 |doi=10.2307/3773618|jstor=3773618 |doi-access=free }}</ref> For example, the [[anthropologist]] [[Audrey Richards]] lived among the [[Bemba people]] in the 1930s, and once told them a [[folk story]] about a young prince who "climbed glass mountains, crossed chasms, and fought dragons, all to obtain the hand of a maiden he loved". The Bemba, however, became bewildered by the story, prompting an old chief to ask the question "Why not take another girl?"<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Branden|1981|p=12}}</ref> [[Margaret Mead]] studied the [[Samoans]], and also believed that deep attachments between individuals were a foreign idea to such societies:<ref name="branden-tribal" /> "Romantic love as it occurs in our civilisation, inextricably bound up with ideas of monogamy, exclusiveness, jealousy and undeviating fidelity does not occur in Samoa."<ref>{{Cite book |last=Mead |first=Margaret |author-link=Margaret Mead |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=dogGAQAAIAAJ&pg=PA105-IA1 |title=Coming of Age in Samoa: A Psychological Study of Primitive Youth for Western Civilisation |date=1928 |publisher=W. Morrow |page=105 |language=en}}</ref> The tribal mentality, according to [[Nathaniel Branden]], is that the family ought to exist for the optimization of physical survival. The individual is subordinate to the tribe "in virtually every aspect of life", with emotional attachments given little importance.<ref name="branden-tribal"/>

A 1992 [[Cross-cultural studies|cross-cultural study]] by William Jankowiak and [[Edward F. Fischer|Edward Fischer]], however, found that the experience of [[passionate love]] was in fact [[Cultural universal|universal]], or near-universal.<ref name="jankowiak-fischer" /><ref name=":4" /><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Karandashev|2017|p=36}}</ref> This study looked at 166 cultures with relevant ethnographic reports, [[folklore]] and other available material from the [[Standard Cross-Cultural Sample]]. Romantic love was indicated as present in a culture if at least one account was found of either personal [[anguish]] and [[Longing (emotion)|longing]], [[Love song|love songs]] or folklore highlighting romantic involvement, [[elopement]] due to mutual [[affection]], a native's affirmation of [[passionate love]], or an ethnographer's affirmation of romantic love. On that basis, passionate love was documented in 88.5% of cultures. For the other 11.5%, the authors believed the lack of record was probably due to ethnographic oversight rather than a genuine absence. It is therefore argued that although not everyone [[Falling in love|falls in love]], it is the case that in almost every culture some people do, even in those cultures where romantic love is muted or repressed.<ref name="jankowiak-fischer" />
[[File:CADAL07013412 駐春園 第2版.djvu|thumb|upright|Cover of ''[[Zhuchun yuan]]'' (''The Garden of Spring Residence'') written by Wuhang Yeke, an 18th-century Chinese ''[[caizi jiaren]]'' ("scholar and beauty") [[romantic novel]], a type of romantic fiction<ref>{{cite journal|url=https://www.nature.com/articles/s41562-022-01292-z|last1=Baumard|first1=Nicolas|last2=Huillery|first2=Elise|last3=Hyafil|first3=Alexandre|last4=Safra|first4=Lou|title=The cultural evolution of love in literary history|journal=[[Nature Human Behaviour]]|year=2022|volume=6 |issue=4|pages=506–22|doi=10.1038/s41562-022-01292-z |pmid=35256800 |quote=At the other end of Eurasia, the Chinese ''caizi-jiaren'' and scholar-beauty stories ... are also characteristically romantic: "A ''caizi-jiaren'' romance is a romantic story about an idealized couple. Attracted by each other’s physical [beauty] and literary talent, the protagonists fall in love with each other at first sight. They manage to overcome all obstacles and marry each other at the end."}}</ref><ref>{{cite book | last=Wallace | first=John R.| title= Interpreting Love Narratives in East Asian Literature and Film| publisher=berkeley.pressbooks.pub| publication-place=Berkeley, California| year=2019 |isbn=978-0-9997970-0-6| pages=221, 419| quote=This scholar-beauty (''caizi-jiaren'') storyline was  particularly common, almost cliché, in China’s Ming dynasty (14th-17th centuries) love stories. ... (The Chinese ''caizi-jiaren'' narrative model which has wide distribution in East Asia ...) }}</ref><ref>{{cite journal | url = https://cir.nii.ac.jp/crid/1040282256732250880 | title = The Woodblock-printed Books of the Genius and Beauty Romances in China and its Influences on East Asia (Korea・Vietnam・Japan) | author = ISOBE Yuko | journal = (No Title) }}</ref>]]
Despite being evolved and a cross-cultural experience then, the phenomenon is still influenced or constrained by culture in a variety of ways.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tallis|2005|pp=88, 106-111}}</ref><ref name=":15">{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=175, 292}}</ref><ref name="fisher-culture" /><ref name="jankowiak-fischer" /> The attitudes towards it and specific practices can vary drastically from culture to culture.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Johnson|2013|pp=xiii, 198-201}}</ref><ref name=":13">{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tallis|2005|pp=109-117}}</ref><ref name="fisher-culture">{{Harvard citation no brackets|Fisher|2016|pp=33-35, 55-58, 59-70, 75, 77-78, 80}}</ref>  [[Chinese culture]], for example, does not have a "romantic love" culture equivalent to the [[United States]]. It was considered "[[Bourgeoisie|bourgeois]]", and even outlawed during the [[Cultural Revolution]].<ref>{{harvnb|Tallis|2005|p=110}}: "Has the Western romantic tradition made us blind to love's madness? China has no equivalent tradition. In fact, during the Cultural Revolution, 'romantic love' was outlawed - considered by the communist elite to be a 'bourgeois' indulgence. [...] It would seem that for many Chinese students, they would as much want to fall in love as develop a psychiatric illness."</ref><ref>{{harvnb|Karandashev|2017|p=133}}: "In the late 1920s and 1930s, however, free love was under attack from radical quarters for its bourgeois limitations and from conservative quarters for eroding social morality and the institution of marriage and family. In this period, sexuality came out of the shadow of romantic love and became an acceptable social topic. Nevertheless, more and more voices emerged to condemn free love/free sex as the threat to social mores. Political ideologues called for a total commitment to the nation by subordinating the romantic love to imperative of revolution. The attitudes toward love and sex became conservative and restrictive. In the People's Republic of China, established in 1949, Communist officials imposed strong controls on love and 'inappropriate' sexual activity. A puritanical sexual 'primness' became definitely established. The new values denied romantic love and affirmed the importance of the collective over the individual."</ref> The puritanical injunctions have long since been dismantled, however, a shyness remained in the culture, which is not identical to that of the West.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Moore|1998|pp=252-253, 255}}</ref> [[Divorce]] is allowed, but [[Arranged marriage|arrangement]] is more common, and there's much talk of "protecting the family".<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Giddens|2000|pp=70–72}}</ref> A cross-cultural survey in the early 1990s found that [[Chinese people]] thought Western ideas about love were inaccurate, and that Chinese participants linked "passionate love" to concepts like "[[infatuation]]", "[[unrequited love]]", "[[Sorrow (emotion)|sorrow]]" and "[[nostalgia]]". Many seemed to as much want to "fall in love" as to develop a [[mental illness]].<ref name=":13" />

In [[Behavioural genetics|behavioral genetics]], one tool which is valuable for determining [[Genetic influences|genetic influence]] is the [[twin study]], which compares identical [[Twin|twins]] (monozygotic, who are genetically identical) and fraternal twins (dizygotic, who are only 50% genetically related, like other [[Sibling|siblings]]). The differences between the two types of twins are used to estimate how much of a given trait is [[Heritability|heritable]] (how much the individual differences in a group, i.e. [[variance]], can be accounted for by genetic differences between individuals), and how much is environmental. Environmental contribution is further split between shared environment (which makes family members more similar) and nonshared environment (which makes them different, but for mathematical reasons also includes measurement error).<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Plomin|DeFries|McClearn|McGuffin|2000|pp=75-82, 85, 87, 169, 296-301, 329-331}}</ref> A twin study has investigated genetic and environmental influences using the ''Love Attitudes Scale'', developed to measure Lee's love styles.<ref name=":9" /><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Hendrick|Hendrick|2006|pp=149-150, 152}}: "[Lee] complained about the ahistorical nature of [most research based on his ideas] and the limited information that he felt could be derived from a rating scale: "There are no satisfactory shortcuts[.] Only elaborate instruments such as the Love Story Card Sort can distinguish between [rich] ideologies[.]" [...] Needless to say, Lee lost his argument against the use of rating scales. [...] Sometime after completing the writing of his chapter for ''The Psychology of Love'', but before its publication, Lee apparently accepted the ubiquity of rating scales, as witnessed by a gracious and complimentary letter to us[.]"</ref><ref>{{Cite web |last=Karandashev |first=Victor |date=18 October 2022 |title=What Does the Love Attitude Scale Evaluate? |url=https://love-diversity.org/what-does-the-love-attitude-scale-evaluate/ |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20250117224712/https://love-diversity.org/what-does-the-love-attitude-scale-evaluate/ |archive-date=17 January 2025 |access-date=23 August 2025 |website=The Diversity of Love Journal}}</ref> This study found that individual differences in love attitudes are almost exclusively due to environmental influence, with genetic factors having very little influence for most love attitudes (from most-to-least heritable: mania, storge, pragma & eros), and even no influence at all for others (ludus & agape). The authors interpret the result as meaning that love styles may be influenced by one's childhood familial environment (for shared environment) and unique experiences with parents, peers, adolescent and adult lovers, and so on (for nonshared environment). Of these, the influence from the nonshared environment was larger than the shared environment.<ref name=":9">{{Cite journal |last1=Waller |first1=Niels G. |last2=Shaver |first2=Phillip R. |author-link2=Phillip R. Shaver |date=September 1994 |title=The Importance of Nongenetic Influences on Romantic Love Styles: A Twin-Family Study |url=https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1111/j.1467-9280.1994.tb00624.x |journal=Psychological Science |language=en |volume=5 |issue=5 |pages=268–274 |doi=10.1111/j.1467-9280.1994.tb00624.x |issn=0956-7976|url-access=subscription }}</ref> According to Lee's earlier observations, typical eros lovers recall a happy childhood, while typical manic lovers recall an unhappy one.<ref name=":8">{{Harvard citation no brackets|Lee|1988|pp=50-51}}</ref>

Using the ''Love Attitudes Scale'', romantic love styles have also been [[Correlation|correlated]] with different [[personality]] measures: eros (with [[agreeableness]], [[conscientiousness]], [[Extraversion and introversion|extraversion]] & [[secure attachment]]), mania (with [[neuroticism]] & [[Anxious-preoccupied attachment|anxious attachment]]), and ludus (with [[avoidant attachment]]). For other love styles: storge (friendship love, with agreeableness & insecure attachment), pragma (practical love, with conscientiousness & insecure attachment), and agape (selfless love, with secure attachment).<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Hendrick|Hendrick|2006|p=156}}</ref><ref name=":10">{{Cite journal |last=Karandashev |first=Victor |date=December 2022 |title=Adaptive and Maladaptive Love Attitudes |url=https://interpersona.psychopen.eu/index.php/interpersona/article/view/6283 |journal=Interpersona: An International Journal on Personal Relationships |volume=16 |issue=2 |pages=158–177 |doi=10.5964/ijpr.6283 |doi-access=free}}</ref> The formation of attachment styles is complicated, often being attributed to childhood, but with twin studies finding both genetic and environmental contributions.<ref name=":33">{{Cite journal |last1=Barbaro |first1=Nicole |last2=Boutwell |first2=Brian |last3=Barnes |first3=J. C. |last4=Shackelforth |first4=Todd |author-link4=Todd K. Shackelford |date=January 2017 |title=Rethinking the transmission gap: What behavioral genetics and evolutionary psychology mean for attachment theory: A comment on Verhage et al. (2016). |url=https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fbul0000066 |journal=[[Psychological Bulletin]] |volume=143 |issue=1 |pages=107–113 |doi=10.1037/bul0000066 |pmid=28004961 |url-access=subscription}}</ref><ref>{{harvnb|Fraley|Shaver|2008|pp=521—522, 532–533}}</ref> There's also a problem called a [[person–situation debate]], where people can have different attachment styles with different people, for example, an avoidant partner can make a secure partner feel and act anxious.<ref>{{harvnb|Fraley|Shaver|2008|pp=519, 529–530}}</ref><ref name="hazanshaver" /> Lee identified a kind of transitional love style he called "manic eros", where the lover is "moving either toward a more stable eros or toward full-blown mania". Some are typical erotic lovers under a temporary strain (moving toward mania), while others are typical manic lovers with a self-confident and helping partner (moving toward eros).<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Lee|1973|pp=159-165}}</ref>

=== Romance and sexuality ===
In the Western tradition of ideas, romantic love and [[sexual desire]] have been closely linked, although still considered separate.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Karandashev|2017|pp=8-9, 29}}</ref> Many writers have used terms like "romantic love", "erotic love" and "sexual love" interchangeably, without the relation being made clear.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tennov|1999|p=72}}</ref> In the 2000s, a scientific consensus emerged that romantic love and sexual desire are actually functionally-independent systems, with distinct neural substrates.<ref name="diamond2004">{{Cite journal |last=Diamond |first=Lisa |author-link=Lisa M. Diamond |date=2004 |title=Emerging Perspectives on Distinctions Between Romantic Love and Sexual Desire |url=https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1111/j.0963-7214.2004.00287.x |journal=Current Directions in Psychological Science |language=en |volume=13 |issue=3 |pages=116–119 |doi=10.1111/j.0963-7214.2004.00287.x |issn=0963-7214 |url-access=subscription}}</ref><ref name="co-opted" /><ref name="fisher22" /> On the basis of the evolutionary theory that romantic love [[Biology of romantic love#Co-option of mother-infant bonding|co-opted mother-infant bonding]] for some of its underlying brain systems, it has been argued that it's possible to [[Falling in love|fall in love]] without experiencing sexual desire.<ref name="diamond2003">{{cite journal |last1=Diamond |first1=Lisa |author-link=Lisa M. Diamond |date=Jan 2003 |title=What does sexual orientation orient? A biobehavioral model distinguishing romantic love and sexual desire |journal=[[Psychological Review]] |volume=110 |issue=1 |pages=173–92 |doi=10.1037/0033-295x.110.1.173 |pmid=12529061}}</ref><ref name="co-opted" /> This theory originally by the [[psychologist]] [[Lisa M. Diamond|Lisa Diamond]] states that it would not have been adaptive for a parent to only be able to bond with an opposite sex child, so the systems must have evolved independently from [[sexual orientation]]. For this reason, it's even possible sometimes for people to fall in love in contradiction to their usual orientation.<ref name="diamond2003" />

The theory is used to explain the phenomenon of [[Romantic friendship|romantic friendships]] which involve [[Passion (emotion)|passionate]] feelings without sexuality, and other instances of "[[Platonic love|platonic]]" [[Attachment theory|attachments]] and [[Infatuation|infatuations]].<ref name="diamond2004" /><ref name="diamond2003" /> Some documented examples are intense, but non-sexual bonds between [[Indigenous peoples of the Americas|Native American]] men, schoolgirls falling "violently in love with each other, and suffering all the pangs of unrequited attachment, desperate jealousy etc." (historically called a "smash"), and women who considered themselves to be otherwise [[Heterosexuality|heterosexual]] experiencing [[limerence]] for an older woman (a love madness compared to "hero worship").<ref name="diamond2003" /><ref name="diamond2004" /><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tennov|1999|pp=24, 216}}</ref><ref name="beam-limerence"/>

=== Reward and self-expansion ===
{{See also|Reward theory of attraction|Self-expansion model}}

The self-expansion model of [[Interpersonal relationship|interpersonal relationships]] was developed in the 1980s by the [[Psychologist|psychologists]] [[Arthur Aron|Arthur]] & [[Elaine Aron]], specifying that the psychological reward from [[falling in love]] or an [[intimate relationship]] is "whatever creates expansion of the self".<ref name="aron1996">{{Cite journal |last=Aron |first=Elaine N. |author-link=Elaine Aron |last2=Aron |first2=Arthur |author-link2=Arthur Aron |date=March 1996 |title=Love and expansion of the self: The state of the model |url=https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1475-6811.1996.tb00103.x |journal=Personal Relationships |language=en |volume=3 |issue=1 |pages=45–58 |doi=10.1111/j.1475-6811.1996.tb00103.x |issn=1350-4126}}</ref><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Aron|Aron|1986|pp=45–46}}</ref> Self-expansion is the human motivation to expand one's physical influence, cognitive complexity, social or bodily identity, and self-awareness.<ref name="aron1996" /> Relationships are a key area for self-expansion then, via "inclusion of the other in the self", where aspects of a partner (e.g. traits, skills, attitudes, resources, abilities, and worldviews) are incorporated into one's own self concept.<ref name="emery">{{Cite journal |last=Emery |first=Lydia F. |last2=Hughes |first2=Erin K. |last3=Muise |first3=Amy |date=8 September 2025 |title=Self‐Expansion Theory: Origins, Current Evidence, and Future Horizons |url=https://compass.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/spc3.70082 |journal=Social and Personality Psychology Compass |language=en |volume=19 |issue=9 |doi=10.1111/spc3.70082 |issn=1751-9004}}</ref><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Aron|Aron|1986|pp=27–30}}</ref>

Self-expansion is used to explain the "strong attraction" of romantic love, including intense varieties of [[passionate love]] or [[limerence]], when the rate of expansion is rapid and approaches the maximum total possible from all sources.<ref name=":19" /> Additionally, self-expansion explains how even [[unrequited love]] can be a desired experience.<ref name="aron1996" />

Early research on [[interpersonal attraction]] identified five predictors of attraction, incorporated into the theory by the Arons.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Aron|Aron|1986|pp=33–39, 46–47}}</ref>

* '''Similarity''', also known as "[[birds of a feather flock together]]".
* '''Propinquity''', in other words similarity of location, and the [[Mere-exposure effect|mere exposure effect]], for example.
* '''Being liked''', which tends to also cause liking in return, called [[reciprocal liking]].
* '''Matching of admirable characteristics''', so that people tend to be attracted to those who have a similar level of attractiveness.
* '''Social and cultural influences''', which constrain who people are likely to meet, and what is considered attractive or important.

According to self-expansion, attraction should result from the ''opposite'' of these five predictors (because, for example, similarity would seem to ''minimize'' self-expansion—resulting in less attraction). Therefore, the Arons propose that these are five ''preconditions'' which make a relationship ''possible'', whereas attraction according to self-expansion increases when an opposite condition is present. For example, a person may be attracted to similarity when it provides the basis for effective communication or predictability, whereas differences provide the basis for self-expansion: new challenges, new experiences, new resources, etc.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Aron|Aron|1986|pp=46–47}}</ref>

[[Passion (emotion)|Passion]] seems to decline when interactions with a love object become frequent, showing that both propinquity and distance can facilitate attraction. Accordingly, in the tradition of [[medieval romance]], the love object was always inaccessible, and modern people still seem to be "obsessed with the unknown, mysterious lover".<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Aron|Aron|1986|p=49}}</ref>

=== Barriers to fulfillment ===
It has been reported by many theorists (and even agreed) that adversity actually tends to heighten romantic passion.<ref name="tennov-uncertainty">{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tennov|1999|pp=18, 24, 26, 44-47, 56-57}}</ref><ref name="about-love-frustration">{{Harvard citation no brackets|Berscheid|Walster|1974|pp=364-369}}</ref> Obstacles like rejection, parental, spousal or other interference, physical separation, temporary breakups, or uncertain situations spark interest and emotional volatility.<ref name="tennov-uncertainty" /><ref name="about-love-frustration" /><ref name="fisher-frustration" /><ref name="hatfield-maltreatment" /> Ambivalence is "potent fuel for passion", and an unobtainable person makes the feeling all the more powerful.<ref name="hatfield-maltreatment">{{Harvard citation no brackets|Hatfield|Walster|1985|pp=58, 103-105}}</ref><ref name="Hayes">{{Citation |last1=Hayes |first1=Nicky |title=Foundations of Psychology |pages=457–458 |year=2000 |edition=3rd |place=London |publisher=Thomson Learning |isbn=1861525893 |author-link=Nicky Hayes}}</ref> The curious phenomenon has been called "the ''[[Romeo and Juliet]]'' effect", or "frustration attraction".<ref name="fisher-frustration">{{Harvard citation no brackets|Fisher|2004|pp=16-18, 161-162, 250, 279}}</ref> According to [[Dorothy Tennov]], "The recognition that some uncertainty must exist has been commented on and complained about by virtually everyone who has [seriously studied] romantic love."<ref name="tennov-uncertainty" /> [[Ellen S. Berscheid|Ellen Berscheid]] and [[Elaine Hatfield]] observed that passion is associated with a "hodgepodge of conflicting emotions": "It is true that some practical people manage to fall passionately in love with beautiful, wise, entertaining, and wealthy people who bring them unending affection and material rewards. Other people, however, with unfailing accuracy, seem to fall passionately in love with people who are almost guaranteed to bring them suffering and material deprivation."<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Berscheid|Walster|1974|p=359}}</ref>

[[File:Slot machines 3.jpg|thumb|[[Infatuation|Infatuated]] love thrives on [[intermittent reinforcement]].<ref name="sternberg1987" />]]
[[Passionate love|Passionate]] or [[Infatuation|infatuated]] love is said to thrive under the uncertainty of [[intermittent reinforcement]], in situations with only irregular meetings between lovers, or with ambiguous and changing perceptions over whether one's love is returned.<ref name="sternberg1987">{{Cite journal |last=Sternberg |first=Robert |author-link=Robert Sternberg |date=1987 |title=Liking versus loving: A comparative evaluation of theories |url=https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1988-07409-001 |journal=[[Psychological Bulletin]] |volume=102 |issue=3 |pages=331–345 |doi=10.1037/0033-2909.102.3.331 |url-access=subscription}}</ref><ref name="Hayes" /><ref name="tennov-uncertainty" /> This type of situation resembles a [[slot machine]], for example, where the rewards are designed to be always unpredictable so the [[gambler]] cannot understand the pattern. Unable to [[Habituation|habituate]] to the experience, for some people the exhilarating high from the unexpected wins leads to [[gambling addiction]] and [[Compulsive behavior|compulsions]]. If the machine paid out on a regular interval (so that the rewards were expected), it would not be as exciting.<ref name="bellamy-slots">{{Harvard citation no brackets|Bellamy|2025|pp=3, 6, 48-49, 56-58, 148-150, back cover}}</ref> Uncertain reciprocation has also been interpreted in terms of attachment anxiety.<ref name="what-passion">{{Cite journal |last1=Carswell |first1=Kathleen L. |last2=Impett |first2=Emily A. |date=6 July 2021 |title=What fuels passion? An integrative review of competing theories of romantic passion |url=https://compass.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/spc3.12629 |journal=Social and Personality Psychology Compass |language=en |volume=15 |issue=8 |doi=10.1111/spc3.12629 |issn=1751-9004 |article-number=e12629}}</ref> [[Helen Fisher (anthropologist)|Helen Fisher]] believed that obstacles and confusion heighten romantic ardor (as in ''Romeo and Juliet'') because [[Dopaminergic cell groups|dopamine neurons]] fire in anticipation of an expected reward which is delayed.<ref name="fisher-frustration" />

The "cold, cruel mistress" or "hard-to-get girl" is a recurring theme in the history of love literature, with the observations sometimes cynical or satirical.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tallis|2005|p=|pp=93, 95, 96}}</ref><ref name="about-love-frustration" /><ref name="tennov-uncertainty" /> [[Socrates]]: "you must not offer it to them when they have had enough—be a show of reluctance to yield, and by holding back until they are as keen as can be for then the same gifts are much more to the recipient than when they are offered before they are desired".<ref name="about-love-frustration" /> [[Ovid]]: "if you feel no need to guard your girl for her own sake, see that you guard her for mine, so I may want her the more".<ref name="about-love-frustration" /> [[Andreas Capellanus]]: "The easy attainment of love makes it of little value; difficulty of attainment makes it prized."<ref>{{Cite book |last=Capellanus |first=Andreas |author-link=Andreas Capellanus |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=3FLusNnbiF8C |title=The Art of Courtly Love |date=1990 |publisher=Columbia University Press |isbn=978-0-231-07305-9 |pages=185 |language=en}}</ref> [[Bertrand Russell]]: "The belief in the immense value of the lady is a psychological effect of the difficulty of obtaining her, and I think it may be laid down that when a man has no difficulty in obtaining a woman, his feeling toward her does not take the form of romantic love."<ref>{{harvnb|Russell|1970|p=66}}</ref>

[[Sigmund Freud]] believed that romantic love was generated by suppressed (or [[Repression (psychoanalysis)|repressed]]) [[sexual desire]]:<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tallis|2005|p=34}}</ref>{{NoteTag|[[Sigmund Freud]]'s views on love have been dismissed as superficial or cursory, given his reduction of the phenomenon to [[sex]] and [[sexuality]]. However, Freud has also been praised as being insightful for his time, representing an important development between ancient models like [[humorism]] and a more modern [[psychology]].<ref>{{harvnb|Tallis|2005|pp=34-38}}</ref> Freud identified the sometimes troubling or primitive nature of attachments, disguised under the cosmetic of "romance" and "romantic love", and the influence of prior experience (e.g. [[childhood]]) on [[falling in love]].<ref>{{harvnb|Tallis|2005|pp=37-38}}</ref> Freud championed [[reason]], but had a personal run-in himself with madness after falling in love during his courtship of [[Martha Bernays]], when acute [[jealousy]] nearly brought him to [[violence]]. Writing in hindsight, Freud implied that he viewed even normal jealousy as a semi-delusional state.<ref>{{harvnb|Tallis|2005|pp=202-205}}</ref>}} "It can easily be shown that the psychical value of erotic needs is reduced as soon as their satisfaction becomes easy. An obstacle is required in order to heighten libido; and where natural resistances to satisfaction have not been sufficient men have at all times erected conventional ones so as to be able to enjoy love. This is true both of individuals and of nations. In times in which there were no difficulties standing in the way of sexual satisfaction, such as perhaps during the decline of the ancient civilizations, love became worthless and life empty".<ref>{{Cite book |last=Freud |first=Sigmund |author-link=Sigmund Freud |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=mHiMEAAAQBAJ |title=The Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud Vol.11: Five Lectures on Psychoanalysis Leonardo Da Vinci & Other Works |date=2001-10-01 |publisher=National Geographic Books |isbn=978-0-09-942664-6 |pages=187–188 |language=en}}</ref><ref name="about-love-frustration" />

=== Romance and commitment ===
[[File:THORN-155lb-PS-jointed-joint.jpg|thumb|"Why does romantic love leave us bewitched, bothered, and bewildered? Could it be another paradoxical tactic like handcuffing oneself to railroad tracks?" {{nowrap|—[[Steven Pinker]]}}<ref name="pinker-handicap2">{{harvnb|Pinker|2009|pp=414-419, 500-501, 641}}</ref>]]
It has been argued that romantic love—in the sense of "being in love", or [[passionate love]]—evolved as a "commitment device" which overrides rationality to suppress the search for alternative mates.<ref name="prox-ult" /><ref name="buss-2006-commit">{{Harvard citation no brackets|Buss|2006|pp=70–72}}</ref><ref name="kowal-commit">{{Cite journal |last1=Kowal |first1=Marta |last2=Bode |first2=Adam |last3=Koszałkowska |first3=Karolina |last4=Roberts |first4=S. Craig |last5=Gjoneska |first5=Biljana |last6=Frederick |first6=David |last7=Studzinska |first7=Anna |last8=Dubrov |first8=Dmitrii |last9=Grigoryev |first9=Dmitry |last10=Aavik |first10=Toivo |last11=Prokop |first11=Pavol |last12=Grano |first12=Caterina |last13=Çetinkaya |first13=Hakan |last14=Duyar |first14=Derya Atamtürk |last15=Baiocco |first15=Roberto |date=27 December 2024 |title=Love as a Commitment Device: Evidence from a Cross-Cultural Study across 90 Countries |journal=[[Human Nature (journal)|Human Nature]] |language=en |volume=35 |issue=4 |pages=430–450 |doi=10.1007/s12110-024-09482-6 |issn=1045-6767 |pmc=11836147 |pmid=39725786}}</ref> This ensures one is committed to their partner, even if a more desirable mate becomes available.<ref name="buss-2006-commit" /><ref name="kowal-commit" /> Commitment would have been adaptive in our evolutionary past because of [[concealed ovulation]], where a man can't easily tell when a woman is [[Ovulation|ovulating]], requiring [[sex]] throughout the entire [[menstrual cycle]].<ref name="buss-2006-commit"/> Romantic love also lasts long enough to keep a couple together while a mother cares for an infant.<ref>{{harvnb|Fisher|2016|p=138}}</ref> Romantic love might therefore be the reward one experiences when this problem of commitment is being solved.<ref name="buss-2006-commit"/>

The intensity of romantic love—why we become "fools for love"—can also be explained using the [[handicap principle]], which solves a contention between "honest" and "fake" [[Signalling theory|signaling]].<ref name="pinker-handicap">{{harvnb|Pinker|2009|pp=414-419, 500-501, 641}}</ref><ref name="bellamy-handicap">{{harvnb|Bellamy|2025|pp=96-97}}</ref> When real [[Emotion|emotions]] evolve, a niche is created for sham emotions which are less risky to express (like fake [[Facial expression|facial expressions]]). An honest signal can evolve without becoming worthless (because of competing fakers) only if it's ''too expensive'' to fake. One example in nature is the [[Peacock Tail|peacock's tail]]: a cumbersome display which consumes nutrients. Only a healthy peacock can afford it, so it may have evolved ''because'' it was a handicap, signaling health to females of the species. According to the [[psychologist]] [[Steven Pinker]], the way to a person's heart is to declare you're in love "because you can't help it", so romantic love might have evolved to signal true commitment.<ref name="pinker-handicap" />

[[File:Rogelio_de_Egusquiza_-_Tristan_and_Isolt_(Death)_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg|thumb|''[[Tristan and Isolde (Death)]]'', by [[Rogelio de Egusquiza]].{{pb}}"Tristan and Iseult do not love one another. They say they don't and everything goes to prove it. ''What they love is love and being in love.'' They behave as if aware that whatever obstructs love must ensure and consolidate it in the heart of each and intensify it infinitely in the moment they reach the absolute obstacle, which is death." {{nowrap|—[[Denis de Rougemont]]}}<ref name="rougemont-tristan" />]]
However, "romance" should be distinguished from "commitment", when "commitment" is meant in the sense of a continued [[Will (philosophy)|willful]] involvement after passionate feelings fade.<ref name="johnson-commit">{{harvnb|Johnson|2013|pp=99, 102–103}}</ref><ref>{{harvnb|Shumway|2003|pp=139–140, 143–144}}</ref> According to the [[Psychotherapy|psychotherapist]] [[Robert A. Johnson (psychotherapist)|Robert Johnson]], [[Western culture]] has these two things "completely confused", because "If we are committed only to follow where passion leads, then there can be no true loyalty to an individual person." The values of romance—that "passion" and being "in love" are the most important, and ought to be sought after—therefore tend to be in conflict with the values of commitment.<ref name="johnson-commit"/>

A deceived spouse is said to be one intensifier of love madness (i.e. [[limerence]]), and this has a tendency to pull people out of their committed relationship when it happens.<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|pp=44, 46, 56–57, 142–143}}</ref><ref name="beam-adultery">{{Cite news |last=Domingo |first=Katrina |date=23 June 2021 |title=Fairytale or pilit-tale? Experts spill why men rush into marriage after long-term relationships |url=https://www.abs-cbn.com/life/06/23/21/fairytale-or-pilit-tale-experts-spill-why-men-rush-to-marriage-after-long-term-relationships |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20240924025210/https://news.abs-cbn.com/life/06/23/21/fairytale-or-pilit-tale-experts-spill-why-men-rush-to-marriage-after-long-term-relationships |archive-date=24 September 2024 |access-date=23 September 2024 |work=[[ABS-CBN]]}}</ref><ref name="beam-limerence"/> [[Helen Fisher (anthropologist)|Helen Fisher]] believes that a brain architecture contributes to this, where a person can feel deep [[Attachment theory|attachment]] for a spouse while ''simultaneously'' feeling intense romantic love for somebody else, just as [[sexual desire]] can be felt for still others.<ref name="fisher-infidelity-facts">{{Cite news |last=Fisher |first=Helen |author-link=Helen Fisher (anthropologist) |date=23 January 2014 |title=10 facts about infidelity |url=https://ideas.ted.com/10-facts-about-infidelity-helen-fisher/ |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20250106120646/https://ideas.ted.com/10-facts-about-infidelity-helen-fisher/ |archive-date=6 January 2025 |access-date=15 January 2025 |work=[[TED (conference)|TED.com]]}}</ref><ref name="fisher22"/><ref name="fisher-culture"/><ref name="beam-limerence"/> [[Infidelity]] is normally forbidden in the West, but some other cultures are more tolerant, or they define infidelity differently.<ref name="fisher-culture"/> [[John Alan Lee]] defines some [[Colour wheel theory of love|love styles]] as "mixtures" (ludic eros & storgic ludus) where partners are allowed sexual liaisons, which he attributed to preference.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Lee|1973|pp=108–122, 132–135}}</ref><ref name="lee-77-pref"/>

In [[Robert Sternberg|Robert Sternberg's]] [[triangular theory of love]], "romantic love" refers to passion plus intimacy, but ''without'' commitment.<ref name="sternberg-triangle" /> Sternberg defines this in reference to ''[[Tristan and Iseult]]'': a tragic love story, said to be the quintessential [[Courtly love|courtly romance]] of the [[Middle Ages]], and the source from which all romantic literature has sprung.<ref name="sternberg-triangle">{{Cite journal |last=Sternberg |first=Robert |author-link=Robert Sternberg |date=1986 |title=A triangular theory of love |url=https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2F0033-295X.93.2.119 |journal=[[Psychological Review]] |volume=93 |issue=2 |pages=119–135 |doi=10.1037/0033-295X.93.2.119 |url-access=subscription}}</ref><ref name="lee-tristan">{{harvnb|Lee|1973|pp=194–196}}</ref><ref name="tallis-tristan">{{harvnb|Tallis|2005|pp=97, 109}}</ref><ref name="johnson-tristan">{{harvnb|Johnson|2013|pp=xiv, 9–10, 12–15, 38–41, 51, 83–87, 126–127, 129–130, 141–142, 147–148}}</ref> In this story, the two drink a [[love potion]] by mistake when Iseult is due to be married to Tristan's uncle, a king, and they become clandestine lovers. A drama ensues when their affair is discovered, Tristan is exiled, and eventually they die. Tristan (which means "child of sadness") is royalty himself, and kills a relative of Iseult's earlier in the story; Tristan and Iseult claim not to even "love" each other, aside from the potion. Iseult exclaims: "You know that you are my lord and my master, and I your slave."<ref name="tallis-tristan"/><ref name="johnson-tristan"/><ref name="rougemont-tristan">{{harvnb|Rougemont|1983|pp=15–17, 18–30, 41–46}}</ref>

Critics of romance have claimed that Tristan and Iseult have a kind of "love of death" (or "[[liebestod]]"), rather than loving each other, and use the story as an [[allegory]] to claim that passion leads to suffering.<ref name="rougemont-tristan"/><ref name="tallis-tristan" /><ref name="johnson-tristan" /><ref name="singer-courtly-love"/> [[Irving Singer]], a [[philosophy]] professor, has stated that the legend was not intended by its original authors to be interpreted this way, but that "only an inveterate optimist could fail to recognize the devious ways in which reality destroys love (and sometimes lovers as well)".<ref name="singer-courtly-love"/>

=== Romance and marriage ===
[[File:La Promenade, by Pierre-Auguste Renoir.jpg|thumb|''[[La Promenade (Renoir)|La Promenade]]'', by [[Pierre-Auguste Renoir]]]]
[[Marriage]] as a cultural practice may only be about 4,350 years old, and historically it did not exist to bind couples for love or companionship. Especially in [[Patriarchy|patriarchal]] societies, its original purpose was to ensure the transfer of wealth and responsibilities to a man's true biological children.<ref name="history-of-romance">{{Cite web |last1=Klawans |first1=Justin |last2=Weber |first2=Peter |date=2007-01-01 |title=When did marriage begin? |url=https://theweek.com/articles/528746/origins-marriage |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20250828185429/https://theweek.com/articles/528746/origins-marriage |archive-date=2025-08-28 |access-date=2025-09-20 |website=[[The Week]] |language=en}}</ref> In [[ancient Greece]] and [[Ancient Rome|Rome]], they did not marry for love, and both cultures saw passion as a kind of madness.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Karandashev|2017|pp=63, 67}}</ref><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Branden|1981|p=16}}</ref> Despite the Greeks having many depictions of love in their [[Ancient Greek art|art]] and [[Greek mythology|mythology]], if Greek men were to [[Falling in love|fall in love]], it would have likely been [[Extramarital sex|extramarital]] with [[Courtesan|courtesans]], or [[Homosexuality|homosexual]] love between men. Women were subservient, segregated, and mostly kept inside and isolated.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Karandashev|2017|pp=59-63}}</ref><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Branden|1981|pp=14-15}}</ref> In the [[Middle Ages]], after the [[Fall of the Western Roman Empire|fall of Rome]], marriage in [[Europe]] was also regarded as [[economic]] and [[Politics|political]]. By the 6th century, it was regulated by the [[Catholic Church]] in all respects, which declared [[passionate love]] and [[sex]] to be [[mortal sin]] for any other purpose than [[procreation]].<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Karandashev|2017|pp=84-86}}</ref><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Branden|1981|pp=18-22}}</ref> In the 11th and 12th centuries, the phenomenon of [[courtly love]] emerged to idealize a precursor to romantic love, but only when [[Consummation|unconsummated]] or in the form of [[adultery]], not as a basis for marriage itself. At this point, marriage and love were still believed to be incompatible, and additionally the ideals of courtly love only applied to nobility.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Karandashev|2017|pp=86-87, 92}}</ref><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Branden|1981|pp=22-24}}</ref>

It was not until the 18th century that people began to marry for romance.<ref name="history-of-romance" /><ref>{{Cite web |date=2017-02-13 |title=The History of Romance |url=https://www.womenshistory.org/articles/history-romance |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20250815082341/https://www.womenshistory.org/articles/history-romance |archive-date=2025-08-15 |access-date=2025-09-20 |website=National Women's History Museum |language=en}}</ref> During this period, [[Romanticism]] emerged with new perspectives on [[individuality]] and [[egalitarianism]], and through the 19th century it became a cultural question whether passion, love and companionship could become a basis for marriage.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Karandashev|2017|pp=113-118}}</ref> New norms were adopted, but romantic attitudes later waned and became tame throughout the [[Victorian era]] in Europe.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Karandashev|2017|pp=117, 118-119}}</ref> During the 18th and 19th centuries, [[Puritans|Puritanism]] also dominated the culture in [[American Revolution|post-revolutionary]] [[America]], with an anti-romantic tradition.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Karandashev|2017|p=123}}</ref> Romantic love really only flourished as a basis for marriage at the end of the 19th century and into the 20th, when men and women socialized more equally, when [[dating]] replaced other structured [[courtship]] practices, and romance became more [[secular]] and [[Consumerism|consumerist]].<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Karandashev|2017|pp=143-144, 146}}</ref>

During the 20th century, a "transformation of intimacy" occurred, where [[Intimate relationship|intimate relationships]] became less restricted by [[Law|laws]], [[Social custom|customs]] and [[Morality|morals]], and [[feminism]] paved the way for new kinds of relations between men and women.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Shumway|2003|pp=134, 138–139}}</ref> The rise of the romantic marriage also coincided with the rise of [[divorce]] then, due to this heightened expectation, sensitivity to incompatibility, and increasing legal freedom.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Karandashev|2017|pp=117, 120, 148, 150, 168, 170}}</ref> The [[Sociology|sociologist]] [[Anthony Giddens]] calls a major development of this period the "pure relationship": where a relationship is entered for its own sake based on emotional [[Interpersonal communication|communication]], and only continued for as long as both parties are satisfied with the rewards derived from it.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Shumway|2003|p=139}}</ref><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Giddens|2000|p=79}}</ref> A "discourse of intimacy" emerged in the 1960s and '70s, promoted in [[Self-help book|self-help books]] as an attempt to ameliorate problems which were a consequence of the restructuring of personal relationships on marriage.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Shumway|2003|pp=134–136, 139–140}}</ref> Previously, marriage was a [[Contract|contractual]] obligation which only required adherence to law (and "romance" is seen as something one "falls" into, not an act of [[Will (philosophy)|will]]); therefore, a new concept of "[[Committed relationship|commitment]]" emerged, with the "pure relationship" marriage requiring a new kind of willful involvement previously unconceived of.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Shumway|2003|pp=143–144}}</ref> Much of the discourse also focused on communication as a means to intimacy and a cure for conflict.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Shumway|2003|pp=133, 145–147}}</ref> According to David Shumway, a professor of [[cultural studies]], one of the problems is that as with "romance", "intimacy" is elusive to define.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Shumway|2003|pp=140–141}}</ref> This new conception meant something more than "companionship": it also came to entail emotional, economic, and political equality of the partners, or what Giddens calls a "[[democratization]]" of personal life and emotions.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Shumway|2003|p=153}}</ref><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Giddens|2000|pp=80–82}}</ref>

The [[Clinical psychology|clinical psychologist]] [[Frank Tallis]] has criticized the romantic tradition as a disappointment, citing studies which actually show higher satisfaction among [[Arranged marriage|arranged marriages]] than marriages for love.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tallis|2005|pp=112-115}}</ref> In [[Asia|Asian]] and other [[Culture of Asia|Eastern cultures]] where arrangement is preferred, it's assumed that a couple will fall in love, but after their marriage, and often they do.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tallis|2005|pp=113-114, 116}}</ref><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Fisher|2016|pp=57-58}}</ref> About half of arranged couples claim to stay together for love, albeit probably not for romantic love.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tallis|2005|p=113}}</ref>

[[Bertrand Russell]], a [[Philosophy|philosopher]] considered influential in the 20th century,<ref>{{Cite news |last=Carlisle |first=Clare |author-link=Clare Carlisle |date=2013-11-18 |title=Bertrand Russell: philosopher, mathematician and optimist |url=https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/belief/2013/nov/18/bertrand-russell-philosopher-religion-ethics-life |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20250731073323/https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/belief/2013/nov/18/bertrand-russell-philosopher-religion-ethics-life |archive-date=2025-07-31 |access-date=2025-09-24 |work=[[The Guardian]] |language=en-GB |issn=0261-3077}}</ref> has been critical, but also optimistic about the prospects of romantic love. Despite his assertion that romantic love is only found in the difficulty of its obtainment, he also called it "the source of the most intense delights that life has to offer", and thought it important that it was socially permitted.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Russell|1970|pp=66, 74}}</ref> Russell, however, critiqued the cultural movement that romance ought to be essential for marriage: "Whether the effect has been as good as the innovators hoped may be doubted. [...] In America, where the romantic view of marriage has been taken more seriously than anywhere else, and where law and custom alike are based upon the dreams of spinsters, the result has been an extreme prevalence of divorce and extreme rarity of happy marriages."<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Russell|1970|pp=74-77}}</ref> According to Russell, "it should be understood that the kind of love which will enable a marriage to remain happy and to fulfil its social purpose is not romantic but is something more intimate, affectionate, and realistic".<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Russell|1970|p=76}}</ref> In his view, it's good that romance can lead to marriage, but as a necessity it's "too anarchic", and "forgets that children are what make marriage important".<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Russell|1970|p=|pp=76-77}}</ref>

The [[anthropologist]] and renowned<ref>{{cite news |date=23 August 2024 |title=Helen Fisher, Who Researched the Brain's Love Circuitry, Dies at 79 |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2024/08/23/science/helen-fisher-dead.html |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20250607023422/https://www.nytimes.com/2024/08/23/science/helen-fisher-dead.html |archive-date=7 June 2025 |access-date=23 August 2024 |work=[[The New York Times]]}}</ref> love researcher [[Helen Fisher (anthropologist)|Helen Fisher]] believed the current drive for a more passionate romance in Western partnerships (what she called a return to an "antique habit"—something she believed is natural and evolved) is good news. However, she argued in favor of a longer, more drawn out "pre-commitment" stage prior to marriage, which she called "slow love", for the purpose of becoming familiar before making a lifelong commitment.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Fisher|2016|pp=154-156, 300-307}}</ref>

== Modern romance ==
[[File:Kissing_couple.jpg|thumb|Only 46% of cultures around the world use romantic kissing.<ref>{{Cite web |last=Park |first=William |date=2021-08-16 |title=The reasons humans started kissing |url=https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20210813-the-reasons-humans-started-kissing |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20250718105638/https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20210813-the-reasons-humans-started-kissing |archive-date=2025-07-18 |access-date=2025-10-25 |website=[[BBC]] |language=en-GB}}</ref>]]
Susan & [[Clyde Hendrick]] studied college students in 1993, and found that a friendship love style was more common than they anticipated. When asked to write about their closest friendship, 44% of participants spontaneously wrote about their [[significant other]]. The [[Colour wheel theory of love#Storge|storge]] [[Colour wheel theory of love|love style]] (friendship love) was also the most common love style among people who were asked to tell a story about the relationship they're currently in. The Hendricks believe their data suggests that friendship can be present as a component in the early stage of a relationship for many couples (rather than developing more slowly), and can actually precede love feelings in some cases.<ref>{{Cite journal |last1=Hendrick |first1=Susan S. |last2=Hendrick |first2=Clyde |author-link2=Clyde Hendrick |date=August 1993 |title=Lovers as Friends |url=https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0265407593103011 |journal=Journal of Social and Personal Relationships |language=en |volume=10 |issue=3 |pages=459–466 |doi=10.1177/0265407593103011 |issn=0265-4075|url-access=subscription }}</ref>

In 2016, Victor de Munck and David Kronenfield proposed a cultural model for romantic love in the [[United States]], developed with studies of people in [[upstate New York]] and [[New York City]].<ref name="romantic-love-us" /> The authors believe the cultural model is used as a reference standard for relationships by their informants: "People do not fit the model as much as our model can be used to explain and predict what people think, feel, and do." The American model "is unique in that it combines passion with comfort and friendship": "For successful romantic love relations, a person would feel excited about meeting their beloved; make passionate and intimate love as opposed to only physical love; feel comfortable with the beloved, behaving in a companionable, friendly way with one’s partner; listen to the other’s concerns, offering to help out in various ways if necessary; and, all the while, keeping a mental ledger of the degree to which altruism and passion are mutual." It's not claimed by the authors that everyone holds this model or that everyone opts for this type of relationship, only that the model is common or prototypical and most people know it at least implicitly. The model is tested with two case studies of informants who describe their difficulties finding a partner who meets all of these different criteria (passion, plus comfort and friendship).<ref name="romantic-love-us">{{cite journal |last1=de Munck |first1=Victor C. |last2=Kronenfeld |first2=David B. |date=1 January 2016 |title=Romantic Love in the United States: Applying Cultural Models Theory and Methods |journal=SAGE Open |volume=6 |issue=1 |pages=215824401562279 |doi=10.1177/2158244015622797 |doi-access=free}}</ref>

In his 2008 book, British writer [[Iain King]] tried to establish basic rules for the early stage of romance, as an improvement over the old maxim "all's fair in love (and war)". He concludes on six initial rules, inspired by what he calls the "Help Principle", which he argues is one good basis for a mutual relationship: "''Help someone if your help is worth more to them than it is to you.''"<ref>{{Cite book |last=King |first=Iain |author-link=Iain King |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=S6TAjY609aAC |title=How to Make Good Decisions and Be Right All the Time: Solving the Riddle of Right and Wrong |date=2008-12-16 |publisher=A&C Black |isbn=978-1-84706-347-2 |pages=78, 153, 154 |language=en}}</ref>
{{Quote frame|author=[[Iain King]]|source=''[[How to Make Good Decisions and Be Right All the Time]]''|There will be more, but these are the first:<ol><li>try to assess your own feelings towards someone else in reasonable time;</li><li>empathize with others to assess your mutual suitability;</li><li>don't flirt with someone unless you might mean it, and reject unwanted advances politely but clearly;</li><li>do not pursue people you are not interested in, or who are clearly not interested in you;</li><li>underrepresent your affection to someone only if you think doing so will foster the relationship; and</li><li>in general, express your affection, uncertainty or disinterest clearly, unless there is a special reason not to.</li></ol>}}

[[Helen Fisher (anthropologist)|Helen Fisher]] has advocated [[personality]] matches and [[online dating]] services for introductions, which she believed are effective.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Fisher|2016|pp=30-33, 308}}</ref> Contrary to previous research, however, a 2025 study found that couples who met online were actually less satisfied than those who met offline. The difference could be explained by the people meeting online tending to be less similar, or the overabundance of choice in online environments leading to less confident selections, or because of the proliferation of so-called "swipe culture", which focuses more on gamified appearance-based interactions over actual matching algorithms and profile preparation.<ref>{{Cite journal |last1=Kowal |first1=Marta |last2=Sorokowski |first2=Piotr |last3=Bode |first3=Adam |last4=Misiak |first4=Michal |last5=Malecki |first5=W. P. |last6=Sorokowska |first6=Agnieszka |last7=Roberts |first7=S. Craig |date=2025-09-01 |title=Meeting partners online is related to lower relationship satisfaction and love: Data from 50 countries |journal=Telematics and Informatics |volume=101 |article-number=102309 |doi=10.1016/j.tele.2025.102309 |issn=0736-5853|doi-access=free }}</ref>

== Philosophy ==
{{Multiple issues|section=yes|
{{off topic|date=August 2025}}
{{More citations needed section|date=August 2025}}
}}
[[File:Eros bow Musei Capitolini MC410.jpg|thumb|upright|Roman copy of a Greek sculpture by [[Lysippus]] depicting [[Eros]], the Greek personification of romantic love]]

=== Plato ===
Greek philosophers and authors have had many theories of love. Some of these theories are presented in [[Plato]]'s ''Symposium''.{{Primary source inline|date=August 2025}} Six Athenian friends, including [[Socrates]], drink wine and each give a speech praising the [[deity]] [[Eros]]. When his turn comes, [[Aristophanes]] says in his [[myth]]ical speech that sexual partners seek each other because they are descended from beings with spherical torsos, two sets of human limbs, genitalia on each side, and two faces back to back. Their three forms included the three permutations of pairs of gender (i.e. one masculine and masculine, another feminine and feminine, and the third masculine and feminine) and they were split by the gods to thwart the creatures' assault on heaven, recapitulated, according to the comic playwright, in other myths such as the [[Aloadae]].<ref>''Symposium 189d ff''.</ref>

This story is relevant to modern romance partly because of the image of reciprocity it shows between the sexes.{{Original research inline|date=August 2025}} In the final speech before [[Alcibiades]] arrives, [[Socrates]] gives his encomium of love and desire as a lack of being, namely, the being or form of [[beauty]].

=== Arthur Schopenhauer ===
The process of courtship contributed to [[Arthur Schopenhauer]]'s pessimism, despite his own sexual success,<ref>''Essays and Aphorisms''</ref>{{Original research inline|date=October 2025}} and he argued that to be rid of the challenge of courtship would drive people to suicide with boredom. Schopenhauer theorized that individuals seek partners looking for a "complement" or completing of themselves in a partner, as in the [[cliché]] that "opposites attract", but with the added consideration that both partners manifest this attraction for the sake of the species:

<blockquote>But what ultimately draws two individuals of different sex exclusively to each other with such power is the will-to-live which manifests itself in the whole species, and here anticipates, in the individual that these two can produce, an objectification of its true nature corresponding to its aims.
—''World as Will and Representation'', Volume 2, Chapter XLIV<ref>Schopenhauer, A. (n.d.). The World as Will and Representation. https://antilogicalism.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/schopenhauer-the-world-as-will-and-representation-v2.pdf {{Webarchive|url=https://web.archive.org/web/20210625000705/https://antilogicalism.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/schopenhauer-the-world-as-will-and-representation-v2.pdf |date=2021-06-25 }}.</ref> </blockquote>

=== Other philosophers ===
{{unreferenced section|date=July 2018}}
Later modern philosophers such as [[François de La Rochefoucauld (writer)|La Rochefoucauld]], [[David Hume]] and [[Jean-Jacques Rousseau]] also focused on [[morality]], but desire was central to French thought and Hume himself tended to adopt a French worldview and temperament. Desire in this milieu meant a very general idea termed "the passions", and this general interest was distinct from the contemporary idea of "passionate" now equated with "romantic". Love was a central topic again in the subsequent movement of [[Romanticism]], which focused on such things as absorption in nature and the [[absolute (philosophy)|absolute]], as well as [[Platonic love|platonic]] and unrequited love in German philosophy and literature.

French philosopher [[Gilles Deleuze]] linked this concept of love as a lack mainly to [[Sigmund Freud]], and Deleuze often criticized it.

== See also ==
{{Portal|Society|Psychology}}
<!-- alphabetical order please [[WP:SEEALSO]] -->
<!-- please add a short description [[WP:SEEALSO]], via {{subst:AnnotatedListOfLinks}} or {{Annotated link}} -->
{{div col|colwidth=20em|small=yes}}
* {{Annotated link |Biology of romantic love}}
* {{Annotated link |Buddhism and romantic relationships}}
* {{Annotated link |Chivalric romance}}
* {{Annotated link |Courtly love}}
* {{Annotated link |Heterosociality}}
* {{Annotated link |Homosociality}}
* {{Annotated link |Infatuation}}
* {{Annotated link |Interpersonal attraction}}
* {{Annotated link |Intimate relationship}}
* {{Annotated link |Limerence}}
* {{Annotated link |Love}}
* {{Annotated link |Love at first sight}}
* {{Annotated link |Lovesickness}}
* {{Annotated link |Marriage}}
* {{Annotated link |Platonic love}}
* {{Annotated link |Romantic friendship}}
* {{Annotated link |Romantic comedy}}
* {{Annotated link |Romantic orientation}}
* {{Annotated link |Romance novel}}
* {{Annotated link |Sexual relationship}}
* {{Annotated link |The Transformation of Intimacy}}
* {{Annotated link |Valentine's Day}}
* {{Annotated link |Waifu |''Waifu''}}
;Romantic practices
* {{Annotated link |Flirting}}
* {{Annotated link |Fraternization|Fraternizing}}
* {{Annotated link |Gift|Gift-giving}}
** {{Annotated link |Flower#Symbolism|Flowers}}
** {{Annotated link |Candy}}
** {{Annotated link |Jewellery}}
*** {{Annotated link |Pre-engagement ring|Promise ring}}
*** {{Annotated link |Engagement ring}}
*** {{Annotated link |Wedding ring}}
* {{Annotated link |Courtship}}
* {{Annotated link |Terms of endearment|Pet names}}
* {{Annotated link |Baby talk}}
* {{Annotated link |Intimacy}}
** {{Annotated link |Eye contact}}
** {{Annotated link |Hugging}}
** {{Annotated link |Holding hands}}
** {{Annotated link |Kissing}}
* {{Annotated link |Love letter}}
* {{Annotated link |Dating}}
* {{Annotated link |Couple (relationship)|Couple}}
{{div col end}}

==Notes==
{{NoteFoot}}

== References ==
{{Reflist|2}}

=== Sources ===
{{Refbegin|30em|indent=yes}}
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* {{Cite book |last=Tallis |first=Frank |author-link=Frank Tallis |url=https://books.google.com/books?vid=ISBN9781560256472 |title=Love Sick: Love as a Mental Illness |date=January 2005 |publisher=Thunder's Mouth Press |isbn=978-1-56025-647-2 |language=en}}
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* {{Cite book |last=Tennov |first=Dorothy |author-link=Dorothy Tennov |title=Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=uPsDAAAACAAJ |access-date=12 March 2011 |year=1999 |publisher=Scarborough House |isbn=978-0-8128-6286-7 |archive-date=27 March 2023 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20230327220413/https://books.google.com/books?id=uPsDAAAACAAJ |url-status=live }}
* {{Cite book |last=Tennov |first=Dorothy |author-link=Dorothy Tennov |year=2005 |title=A Scientist Looks at Romantic Love and Calls It "Limerence": The Collected Works of Dorothy Tennov |url=https://www.gramps.org/limerence |location=Greenwich, Ct. |publisher=The Great American Publishing Society}}
{{Refend}}

== Further reading ==
* Loudin, Jo, ''The Hoax of Romance''. New York: Prentice Hall, 1980.
* [[Polly Young-Eisendrath|Young-Eisendrath, Polly]], ''You're Not Who I Expected''. William Morrow & Company, 1993.
* Kierkegaard, Søren. ''Stages on Life's Way.'' Transl. Walter Lowrie, D.D. Princeton: Princeton University Press, 1940.
* Lévi-Strauss, Claude. ''Structural Anthropology.'' London: Allen Lane, 1968; New York: Penguin Books, 1994. ''Structural Anthropology.'' (volume 2) London: Allen Lane, 1977; New York: Peregrine Books 1976.
* Nietzsche, Friedrich. ''Human, All Too Human.'' Transl. R.J. Hollingdale. Cambridge: Cambridge University, 2nd Edition, 1996.
* [[Francesco Alberoni]], ''Falling in love'', New York, Random House, 1983.
* Novak, Michael. Shaw, Elizabeth (editor) ''The Myth of Romantic Love and Other Essays'' Transaction Publishers (23 January 2013).
* {{cite news |last1=Wexler |first1=Harry K |title=The Romantic Hoax |url=https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/getting-laid-over-60/200908/the-romantic-hoax |work=Psychology Today |date=31 August 2009 }}
* The [[Journal of Popular Romance Studies]], that publishes academic research on romantic love.

==External links==
* {{Wikiquote-inline|Romance}}
{{Human sexuality and sexology}}
{{Human sexuality}}
{{Interpersonal relationships footer}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Romance (Love)}}
[[Category:Emotions]]
[[Category:Friendship]]
[[Category:Love]]
[[Category:Human sexuality]]
[[Category:Interpersonal attraction]]
[[Category:Interpersonal relationships]]
[[Category:Recurrent elements in fairy tales]]
[[Category:Romance]]
[[Category:Virtue]]